The heart of the matter

Of cocoa tea and cappucino

2009-09-14T14:27:00.000-07:00

You've often heard me talk about my favourite matriarch. We are not related but she co-occupies that precious space in my heart reserved for the lineage of female wisdom keepers in our family.

She's an elder, yes, but neither aunty nor grandma would suit her, for being a matriarch is not measured by age alone. Grandmothers are warm and fuzzy and smell of cornmeal porridge and coco tea (mine did - may they rest in peace).

Matriarchs are all of that and then some! I use the term matriarch because it bestows a certain status which could be overlooked if they are slotted into the 'warm and fuzzy' recesses of our minds.

Matriarch
In truth, there are many matriarchs around me, including my mother. I feel a connection between my matriarchs and my inner being - a link which is commonly experienced but rarely articulated among women. The title matriarch speaks of understated grandeur. The notion of a matriarch is a ranking that has lost currency in our current day experience of womanhood.

The matrilineal society is now almost mythical, except for a few far flung places. In such communities, women hold the axis of power. Theirs was a community-based power accorded through lineage and inheritance. Much like the king or queen status, but not as individuals for there can be many matriarchs in one community.

My journey to the zone of matriarchy has helped me understand and appreciate our female elders more. Being the urban nomad that I am, my grandmothers were mostly a nostalgic reverie. As first-generation JA-Brits who grew up between the United Kingdom and Africa, our holidays 'back home' provided the all-too-rare chance to huddle up close to grandma's bosom.

The magic of her serenity and the way in which she just always knew what we needed on that deep soul level preserved grandma's image as a deliciously warming comfort.
Now, as a grown woman, scanning the contested ground of women's liberation, women's rights and issues of so-called equality, I seek the matriarch's voice. Not only as a voice of reason but as an anchor to the modern mindset.

Hers could tell us, remind us, of who women were back in the day. For now, as we navigate corridors of power in a corporate jungle, the steaming coco tea has been replaced by cappuccino.

No longer relevant
Does it mean that now we're all grown up and working, the world of our matriarchs and their deep well of wisdom are no longer relevant to our reality?

I wonder what our matriarchs would say to us and how we'd reshape our world on the backbone of their life stories? For, as we are constantly evolving and redefining our world, they, our matriarchs, could hold the keys we need to unlock our future.

Build it now!

2009-09-14T14:24:00.000-07:00

A few days ago, my heart skipped a beat when I heard the world renowned South African hornman, Bra Hugh Masekela express his desire for the new generation to hold on tightly to their heritage. It was a bitter-sweet moment when during an interview, he said: “I’m scared that when my grandchildren grow up, they will say to each other – they say we used to be Africans”.

His familiar wry laugh was ironic as it was startling. As much as his comment drew much mirth, I certainly felt a tinge of sadness.

Bra Hugh and other South African music icons are celebrating 70 years on this planet this year. Bra Hugh, a veteran activist is more aggressive than ever as he launches his latest project – 100 years. Still in development, the project is a musical which traces the migration of peoples across and into South Africa through music over the past 100 years.

His is a beautiful vision, which is proving quite difficult to sell to potential sponsors in South Africa’s private sector. Maybe they just don’t get it! Music – the universal language – tells our stories in multi-dimensional texture, it ignites our soulfyah as it roots memories of those who walked before us.

Pandora's box
In shaping the past 100 years, Bra Hugh is thinking of those coming in front of us and preparing a Pandora’s Box of treasures that remind us of who we are.

Stories of migration and the memories passed from one generation to another are a valuable and in many cases diminishing heritage. As I imagine Bra Hugh’s grandchild, I think of my children and how their children will identify themselves. For their heritage, like most across the Caribbean is a glorious tapestry – I choose to affirm my enriched heritage status - of an ancestry that criss-crosses the globe.

The Afropolitan
What Bra Hugh’s commentary is probing is the vexed question of how one generation after another shapes its cultural identity in the journey of evolution. As we easily slip from one cultural expression to another, is it true to say we’re losing our culture. On this side of the world, the it-generation, upwardly mobile, accessorized to the hilt and worldly-wise, are branding themselves the Afropolitan.

Converging an African heritage rooted in a cosmopolitan – read European/other world – mélange which carries with it an underlying message saying: ‘now we’re really making it. We’re connected across the globe, we’re influential but make no mistake, we’reAfrican! So, if we follow the Afropolitan principle then perhaps we are on a slippery slope heading to non-distinct identity and hazy cultural expression.

A vexed question indeed with no easy answers! For, as we ponder the cultural integrity of our grandchildren’s world view, we, like Bra Hugh would do well to build on the foundation stones of those who came before us. Whatever ‘politan space you may inhabit, how will your footprints shape the future?

View from the top

2009-09-14T14:09:00.000-07:00

Women and their role in socio-economic development is a hot topic on the African continent. With the 2015 deadline for the actualisation of the United Nations (UN) Millennium Development Goals (MDGs) looming, there is much talk about the slow rate of progress.

The UN MDG framework, created in response to the world's main development challenges, called private and public sector and civil societies together in partnership to eradicate poverty, ensure the safety of children, create gender equity and the like. Most would agree that in principle, the approach makes sense. Trying to wade through the slew of reports, campaigns and projects to grasp just how far we have come is an arduous task.

The MDG 3, which focuses on women and calls for the 'promotion of gender equality and the empowerment of women', is the pertinent focus for Women's Month in South Africa this year. Like the MDGs, shaping fresh approaches to the 24/7/365 challenge of creating equal spaces for women is a lofty goal. After all, the quest for equality has been a perennial quest spoken of for my lifetime and for those who came before me.

Access to education
Scrolling through the data, major advances in specific areas such as increased access to education for girls in Africa are revealed. Clearly, there is still much work to be done and the 2015 timeline is a daunting challenge.

As with most development initiatives there is a focus on rural communities. Given that rural communities make up the majority of the population in most countries across Africa, the emphasis on rural development is clearly necessary, but it also results in a skewed picture of development.

Muted voices
Glaringly muted are the voices of women themselves, especially those who have made it out of the grips of the poverty trap and are languishing in positions of influence, access to resources and choice. Where are their empowered voices?

The empowered woman's voice is strikingly absent in the MDG discourse and project activity. As we read about targets to 'enhance women's participation at all levels of government and other decision making positions', the question remains what happens when they get there?
Is there an assumption that women in urban areas are already so advanced in terms of access to resources and education that they are automatically empowered and by implication do not need further 'developmental' support?

Development issues
The glossy sheen of the luxe vehicles and high life covers up the real story and development issues among women in urban spaces. The stories I hear in my daily interactions with urban women in powerful corporate positions, influential political spaces, accomplished homemakers, entrepreneurs and the like, often tell a tale of disenchanted solitude. It is lonely at the top!

So, in addressing the gender equity development imperative, we need to ensure the views from the hot-seat are shared, distilled and the lessons heeded. Let's make our voices heard in the development debate. For as we strive to upskill, upgrade and upscale our lives, we have a responsibility to ensure that our 'empowered' spaces are adequately receptive to growth, nurturing and sustainable transformation for women across the urban and rural divide.

In pole position

2009-09-14T14:04:00.000-07:00

Ever since the first democratic elections in South Africa, principles of empowerment have been enshrined in the constitution which governs the new South Africa.

With Mandela at the presidential helm, images of the rainbow nation blurred at the edges in a neat picture frame of an ideal society where the priority was to re-balance inequities in race, gender, cultural and economic status among the black population of South Africa.
Following 50-plus decades of an apartheid government, trans-formation and empowerment became the buzz words of the day after the elections in 1994.

Women's Day
Women's Day in South Africa commemorates the day in 1956 when women from all races and walks of life marched to the Union Buildings in mass protest against oppressive apartheid laws. It was a historic march that became a turning point in the history of women's role in the struggle for a non-racial and non-sexist South Africa.

This courageous act, fuelled by the injustices of the apartheid government, was a public demonstration of women united in a cause and determined to make their voices heard. Their accomplish-ment continues to ignite the flame for women's empowerment today.

The theme for Women's Month 2009, 'Together Empowering Women for Development and Gender Equality', is a big one to unpack. The newly created Ministry for Women, Children and People with Disabilities signals interesting developments ahead. However, translating empowerment policies into a tangible reality continues to be a challenge.

Activities have been remarkably muted this year. Possibly, reduced budgets from the economic crunch meant the money simply wasn't there for a fanfare! No doubt, the buzz ebbs at a lower frequency. For many, the public holiday was an opportunity for a road trip over the long weekend.

Refreshingly, some (mainly men) told me Women's Day was every day, so what was the fuss about? Even fewer told me about how the day wasn't of any significance to them as women or men who love women and the word empowerment were, let's say, off the radar.

Pole dancing
As one of the more popularly celebrated public holiday months, Women's Month programmes are hosted by government, private-sector institutions and organisations in every sector imaginable. From the more serious, usually government-led activities to a special employee treat at the spa and pole dancing lessons, interpretations of what empowerment means is somewhat elastic.

Now, when pole dancing becomes a measure of empowerment, something is clearly amiss. I'm sure wrapping one's body around a pole in lewd, semi-acrobatic positions could be fun for some and, at best, a good workout, but empowering?

So what of the women who marched back in 1956? In our relatively cushy mod-con, empowered lives, how are we picking up the baton and ensuring that we follow in their footsteps? Sure, empowerment is a matter of interpretation and clearly we have a long road to walk.

Goddess Arise: M - (R)evolution II

2009-09-14T13:50:00.000-07:00

The M (r)evolution caused quite a stir last week. Not surprisingly you may say! Apart from the novelty of the menstruation cup, the ructions were more about the M-word itself!

It strikes me that much female talk about menstruation is usually in reference to PMT, fertility issues or at the other end of the spectrum - menopausal hormone challenges. All real, no doubt, but often tinged with a backdrop of pejorative notions and sensibilities around our sacred time – menstruation.

I’ll never forget the look of pain and regret when a 40something Johannesburg mother, Ntombi, told me about how sorry she was that she ‘missed’ her daughter’s first period. She was travelling on business and received a call to say that her daughter had seen her menarche. Ntombi efficiently organised some sanitary towels and told her daughter they would talk when she returned home.

Tears welled as Ntombi recalled her own menarche remembering how her mother and aunts joyously honoured her in the rite of passage from girl-child into womanhood. She told me about a special ceremony, the words of wisdom and the empowerment boost she felt as she was welcomed to a new world of female accomplishment.

Her lament that day, was not only her absence but she confessed that even if she were at home, she wouldn’t know what to do. The matriarchs who had birthed her evolution into womanhood were no longer around.

Ntombi felt she had failed her daughter and as we spoke, she became even more angst-filled as she acknowledged that she had underestimated the value, beauty and power that her matriarchs were celebrating at her menarche ceremony.

Indignity
As she spoke my mind flashed back to my matriarchal circle and how during a family holiday, my aunts recalled their introduction to womanhood. Light years away from Ntombi’s ceremony, theirs was closer to her daughter’s experience. They told me of the indignity they felt for years as each month, they hung their seven pieces of cloth, duly scrubbed lily white, on a line in the yard against the backdrop of the green hills of Trelawny, Jamaica.

Some of my aunts were in the midst of their own private summers (read: menopausal hot flushes) and so theirs was a tale of at least forty years of nestling shame around their menstrual period.

As I learn more about the rituals in menarche ceremonies across the world and the folklore, mysticism and sanctity linked to our menstrual cycle, I’m stunned at how detached we’ve become from the potency of our menstrual time.

Rites of passage
There are many reasons why ancient cultures in Africa and around the world honoured the menache (the first menstrual period) as a rite of passage. Many still do.

So what of our contemporary culture? Our monthly gift which the sages tell us augurs new life, prosperity and blessings has been relegated to a biological function spoken about in hushed voices. Ntombi’s story, a short generation ago, illustrates a diminishing heritage of female-centric power that we will lose at our peril.

We may not all have access to indigenous knowledge of time-honoured rituals but we can all create space for revivication each month as we renew the goddess within.

The M (R)evolution

2009-07-19T23:39:00.000-07:00

What is it about the M word – menstruation – that sparks fear and even shame amongst so many women? I’m talking about menstruation. It’s that special and spiritual time every month, when our spectacular female reproductive machinery cleanses and restores our internal incubator ready to nurture life.

The life force was in full flow last week as masses of women gathered at an expo designed to celebrate all things womanly. The annual Women’s Show in Joburg promised a fuschia-pink oasis of female-centric products, candid talks, and the latest innovations to super-size women to be even more phenomenal.

They delivered on their promise and more as an eye-opening experience that was tagged onto the fuschia-pink extravaganza revealed.

LIFE FORCE
This year, the organisers tagged on a mini-expo called the Natural & Organic show. Much the same set up, but the invitation was different. The recycled shopping bags they gave out said: ‘Go Natural & Organic or go home!’ – tongue- in-cheek maybe, but the witty branding speaks to a deeper connection that we are all aware of but often hide behind.

Women are a powerful life-force! The major earth shift that have manifested as a global ‘economic melt-down’ is a clarion call to men and women of the world to return to source – and fast!

So, as I moved through the tempting array of organic beauty soaps and healing products, I met the most amazing people. The hard sell typical of such expos was replaced by invigorating conversations about farming, plants, superfoods, solar energy and more. We crossed a bridge forging the life force connection between earth, choices and guess who – women!

Quietly nestling amongst the recycled packaging was an unassuming product called the menstrual cup. Made from silicone, it’s an alternative sanitary product that allows women to do away with tampons and pads and replace them with a menstrual cup that gently collects the monthly flow.

Statistics reveal that over 160 million tampons are thrown away in South Africa alone every month! When I consider the environmental impact of packaging and producing pads and tampons, not to mention the landfill sites, I’m compelled to connect with the life enhancing option offered by the menstrual cup.

We’ve been duped by messages of ‘convenience’ and modernity from disposable sanitary wear manufacturers for too long! Amongst the two m-cup products available in South Africa at the moment, I believe the Mpower menstrual cup captures the essence that women seem to continually strive for – power! It’s within us!

The life force in the earth was created by the ultimate power. In making empowering life choices, we can embrace the life force that flows through us as women and honour menstruation with grace and dignity. It is high time for the M (r)evolution!

Not my daughter! ARISE Africa Fashion Week

2009-06-29T14:09:00.000-07:00

I'm just recovering from the emotional charge of the ARISE Africa Fashion Week that rocked Joburg over the past two weeks. It was eight days of glossy pouts, big hair, funky catwalk struts and all the glamour of the fashion theatre.

As with all fashion weeks, the designers on show presented a myriad of inspired statements. What was so endearing about the ARISE Africa Fashion Week, was the promise of a creative volcano presented by over 50 'elite African designers'.

This was Africa's story of contemporary, mostly female expression, told through fashion, to the world. Predictably, some of the characters were a literal cut and paste from fairytales of the West. Joyously, some designers 'dared' to reignite African folk tales, bringing recognisable cultural motifs and silhouettes to the stage.

Modesty
Dresses were all the rage. All styles, shapes and lengths. From Alphadi's sultry, flowing kaftans to African Mosaique's take on a micro-short rouched kaftan, they were all ultra-feminine, asserting a female sensibility of gentle but powerful grace.

One dress from Egyptian-based Tunisian designer Soucha, sparked much controversy. All lace and not much of it at that, as the model set out on the ramp, her naked form became the talk of the AFW. Without so much as a leaf to cover her modesty, her total exposure was nothing short of gratuitous.

At that point, many who were loving the collection, wrote him off as a sensation-seeking misogynist, disrespecting the very women he claims to adore. As the storm brewed, I asked Soucha who he is designing for. With a breezy smile, he told me that women who wear his clothes are 'sexy, modern and free'.

Well, one thing Soucha definitely did do is strike a match against one of the key issues that fashion designers this side of the world are grappling with. African values and identity, versus commercial appeal are perennial challenges.

Outraged
One outraged veteran fashion designer, Sonwabile Ndamase, couldn't understand why the crop of the 'elite' African fashion designers on show were so shy about expressing their roots. For him, the problem was deeper than creative inspiration for a collection. He said Soucha's decision to parade a nude model in lace was "as if he is forgetting that models are people and that she is someone's daughter!"

Leaders and pioneers
Clearly, modernity offers the new generation of Africa's fashion vanguard the opportunity to be just that - leaders and pioneers in a world renowned for its fickle nature. However fickle, no matter what era or world space you look at, fashion is always a pulse indicator for a nation's head space. So, where do questions of morals, ethics and values stand in the heady crucible of Africa's fashion visionaries?

At the ARISE Africa Fashion Week, the hosts created a continental fashion week on the wings of Obama's rise to the White House and other landmark achievements for black people that they cite as Africa's big moment. Clearly, emotions are riding high as we proudly embrace our Africanism. What we need as a parallel process are spaces where we can dialogue and debate what kinds of dresses we will make for our daughters in the new world order. As they say in Nigeria, 'who no know go know'!

The Art of Luxurious Living

2009-06-22T17:48:00.000-07:00

Lately I’ve been pondering the notion of luxury and what it means to us in 2009.
The global economic slow-down that has literally knocked the world sideways and while some are in recovery mode, many are still reeling the shock.

Some would say it’s almost immoral to think of luxurious living in the current climate! Of course, redundancies and pay-cuts are no joke but still, life goes on. Human beings have an inbuilt desire to live an abundant life.

So, what does luxury mean to you? Is your expression of luxurious living peppered with designer labels and hi-cost commodities?

The pundits say, that while there is much less money around, people are still spending but now purchases, especially high end indulgences, are much more – let’s say – considered.

The economic slow down is forcing the world to do just that – literally slow down! Great news for those of us who permanently live in rush/hectic/exhausted mode – or so you’d think?!

I much prefer the concept of a slow down to a crisis. An economic crisis signals blind panic and despair whereas an ‘economic slow-down’ - even just reading the words - immediately takes you into more contemplative space.

No matter what job you may have, adopting a rush-mode lifestyle always boils down to a question of choice. Put busy on pause for a minute and you might actually get to taste life itself.

Similarly, adopting an always-busy-always-buying mode is also a lifestyle choice that anaesthetises our sense of reality. So in this space, the symbols of luxurious living are often mistaken for luxury itself.

The earth shaping moment that we are experiencing as an economic slow down is an invitation to re-evaluate what‘s in our lives and what is no longer serving us.

It takes us back to the question, is your sense of luxury based on symbols rated according to a price tag or is your luxury based on one of life’s most precious resource – time?

The silver lining in the doom & gloom clouds is that the slow down is likely to be just what we need. Less of everything else and more time!

Pregnant with promise, time seems to be an increasingly scarce resource that is slipping away from our grasp. We have made it that way so we can change it.

Africa and the Diaspora countries around the world have always enjoyed a more diffused approach to time than the narrow paradigm set by our cousins in the West.

Across the African continent, time is captured in the simplest gestures like taking time to greet each other and really mean it. It’s about a soul connection and collective evolution by honouring the spirit.

So, in the quest for sustainable livelihoods and a life of higher consciousness, it’s high time we revise our definition of luxury. For, in the art of luxurious living, time is the most valuable and precious centrepiece of all.

Fatherhood: A spiritual journey

2009-06-15T13:06:00.000-07:00

As we celebrate Father’s Day in 2009, I salute the fathers featured here for their deep connectedness with their children. The joy that radiates through their every word speaks to a keen sense of kinship and bonding.

From the delivery room to the first day at university and other important steps in a child's life, the fathers featured today all mention the importance of 'being there' for their children. Not just for these milestones, but participating fully in their everyday lives. By developing rituals based on a commitment to responsibility and legacy, their voices on fatherhood will resonate for generations to come.

When days like Father's Day come around, I feel an uncomfortable shiver running down my spine. Crass commercialisation dims the evolving character of fatherhood in modern times and often shrouds the real reason for all the hype.

It will be a beautiful day when ritual celebration of our fathers is frequently expressed as tangible accents in our lives and not reserved only for special days. Today, we honour them; we listen in recognition of their soul-deep gratitude for the children in their lives.

African perspectives
TV producer and presenter, Christophe Bongo is a proud father who relates the story of how his daughter's entry into the world was one of the most poignant moments of his life.
He shines with a bitter-sweet smile as he reflects on his approach to fatherhood.
"It's about responsibility. As Africans our responsibility as fathers is so profound. It's not only about financial support; it's about relationships and full involvement in our children's lives. From the way I relate to my wife, the way I speak to my mother, I teach values through the way I behave.

"Fatherhood is also about leadership. I'm handing over the torch that I received and passing it on to the next generation," states Christophe.

Marc Gbaffou, a food technician and chairperson of the African Diaspora Forum, echoes Christophe's sentiments about leadership and responsibility.

"At a young age I was taught that to be a man means assuming responsibility. Don't wait for people to do things for you, lead and show the way. I'd like to see my children being decisive and accountable for the decisions they take by seeing the way I run my life."

The notion of legacy is a golden thread that runs through Marc's dialogue on fatherhood.
"I would feel very proud seeing my children achieve things I couldn't achieve. The biggest challenge for fathers in Africa today is also the biggest opportunity, [it is] to build Africa. In teaching our children how to create resources through building communities, we will all be stronger across the African Diaspora.

"In Africa, the family is a social and divine institution," says African patriot, academic and former Senegalese Ambassador to Southern Africa, Samba Mburi Mboup.

As he describes his experience of fatherhood, Samba recalls how he bathed, massaged and sang lullabies to his children. He remembers how he also carried his children on his back. He fondly attributes his strong bond with his children to an inherited approach passed on from his late father.

"My father was a patriarch and while he didn't carry us on his back, he had a soft heart for his children. Often, we (men) make the mistake of thinking our children's education sits with their mothers. Neither one can do it alone! Both should work together in a spirit of unity and stability."
Strong relationships
When comparing his role as a father to that of his father's era, Samba states that strong relationships with children of today are more important than ever before.

He cites the works of Martiniquan philosopher Frantz Fanon as he asserts that each generation comes with its own mission. They may live up to it or betray their mission, but they have an evolved awareness that can also teach a parent who is open to learning from their children.

"Fatherhood, in my experience, is a unique privilege and spiritual journey," he says.

Sisters of the soil

2009-06-03T19:46:00.000-07:00

The title of my column in The Flair magazine (Gleaner) often intrigues people.

Fe-mail Ties, what does it mean? I'm exploring the ties that bind women across the waters, via the Internet. It's a conversation that spans our experiences, our nature, our joys and life's challenges. It's about a female bonding culture that brings us together as women, no matter where in the world we may be.

The ties that bind us also speak to an innate connection, encoded in oestrogen and travels soul deep. When strong, our female ties provide for solid, stable relationships. More than a shoulder to cry on, I mean a friend who will look you in the eye and tell you the truth you might not want to hear. I have girlfriends with whom six hours race by as we sit, face to face, drinking tea and simply bonding. We thrive as we honour and nurture our female bonding culture.

As we look across the globe, we can see communities are fragmenting more deeply than ever before. Often the divisions are based on culture - our ways of seeing, being and doing.

Issues of identity and belonging
In the African-Caribbean Diaspora communities, issues of identity and belonging are becoming even more poignant as, three generations later, migrant Diaspora communities struggle to bridge the divide between our ties to home and the place we called home.

So, in this pervasive reality, where are the female ties located? Do they still exist or are they spooling out of kilter as we attempt to grasp new dimensions of belonging?

For it is the women who typically grow and nurture a community. Of course, men and boy children play a valuable role, but as you shift from successful businesswoman to homemaker, to mother, to wife, are you doing all you can to tighten your female ties?

While pondering the question of unity during the recent Africa Day events, I explored the female dimension to this question. A few weeks back, I came across a young Ghanaian woman, Afua, who was sharing appreciation for her South African sister-in-law, Thembi.

As we sat drinking tea she described her Diaspora journey. Growing up between the United Kingdom, Tanzania and other countries across Africa, Afua had hardly spent any time in her native Ghana. Though her parents did all they could to maintain a connection to her heritage, she lamented the fact that she didn't really feel Ghanaian.

Joyfully, it was through the birth of her nephew that Afua was able to reconnect to aspects of Ghanaian culture that she had never witnessed. Though the child was born in South Africa, Thembi wanted to follow traditional Ghanaian rituals for naming her newborn child.

Affirming role
Afua glowed as she spoke of how she, affirming her role as aunt and sister, had become after she participated in the ceremonies. She was able to touch a deep part of her heritage, a gift presented through a female connection, her sister-in-law, Thembi.

Afua and Thembi now share a bond woven tighter than ever before - a bond expressed through culture but which has always been deeply ingrained in their souls. What is your female bonding culture?

Celebrate Africa

2009-06-03T19:43:00.000-07:00

It's Africa Day today!

We've been celebrating all weekend! In Jo'burg we've enjoyed a feast of Africa-related activities and events which has nourished our souls and fed our minds.
It was on this day 45 years ago that the founding fathers of the Organisation of African Unity (OAU) articulated a commitment to building Africa as a continent that was united, independent of colonial powers and economically stable.

Judging by the literature available, the notion of the unity in African diaspora was a key dimension of the vision. So, in a nutshell, Africa Day is for those at 'home' and abroad!
I wonder how many of Africa's sons and daughters in the diaspora see Africa Day as an opportunity to reflect on their heritage and tighten the umbilical connection to the Motherland.

From where I sit, I don't have to look too far to encounter richly diverse African diaspora communities who have settled in Jo'burg. Known as the 'cross-roads of the continent', Jo'burg city boasts African communities and cultures from all over the continent and the world.

Jo'burg's diversity
Jo'burg's heart beats to the rhythm of its diversity. Historians proudly tell of the city's migrant history which dates back to almost a century ago. This was just before the Gold Rush in 1886. People from all over the world literally rushed to cash in on her precious bounty.
Even today, the majority of newcomers to Jo'burg are people who come to cash in on the dynamic economic activity of the city.

From a Diaspora perspective, some would say it's an exciting time to be in Jo'burg. However, I've seen those who skate by on the periphery, heads low and minding their own business.
It begs the question: How significant is Africa Day for the melting-pot city of Gold? A year on from the 'xenophobic attacks' that mired many South African cities, attempts to engage communities in social cohesion come from the highest office in the land.

Important celebration
Closer to my backyard, I hear the Director for Arts, Culture and Heritage of the City of Jo'burg, Steven Sack, speak of Africa Day as a key event for the city. He and a number of partners sit at the helm of the diverse Africa Day activity programme.

He believes Africa Day is an important celebration and an opportunity to spread Africa's good news stories, profile wonderful arts and celebrate Africa's diversity in the city where all cultures meet. His ultimate vision speaks of an Africa Day programme that is able to catalyse action.
Action indeed! Clearly, there's a call for diaspora communities from Jo'burg to Jamaica to pick up the baton set out by the founding fathers of the OAU which finds itself at our feet today.
If we are able to move collectively from being sideline spectators to taking ownership and contributing to the process, that will be a good step! If we don't lift up our own voices, then who will?

Your children are not your children

2009-05-12T07:09:00.000-07:00

As their characters and personalities emerge, I'm inspired and directed by a text written by Lebanese philosopher Khalil Gibran on children.

He says: "Your children are not your children, they are the sons and the daughters of life's longing for itself. They come through you but they are not from you and though they are with you, they belong not to you.

"You may give them your love but not your thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams."

I consider myself privileged to be raising two gregarious, inquisitive, caring and hilarious boys; both still under age five! They offer me unconditional smiles, hugs and cheer every single day.
As a mother set on nurturing self-affirmed children who are fully equipped to deal with tomorrow's world, I draw upon my heritage and ancestral cultures to provide a strong foundation for life.

Diaspora family
Living as Diasporan family on the African continent, we share a myriad of cultural heritage which we use to construct life-nurturing and community-building experiences.

Through the many valuable lessons learnt from my mother and all women in my female lineage, I remember they always gave me freedom of choice built on strong values and knowledge of self. This provided a strong backbone which enabled me to spread my wings and fly through my life journey.

As I spread my wings as a mother, I, too, make conscious choices in cultivating my children in an 'enriched heritage' community. This makes for a world view rooted in their multiple histories. This approach shapes balanced, loving and giving people who are able to live in and fully participate in the global community of diverse cultures.

As I look to the future, I remember Khalil Gibran's words and dream of tomorrows world where children of the African diaspora boldly affirm their enriched heritage in multiple, fabulous and notable contributions to humanity.

As we celebrate Mother's Day, I remember and honour the matriarchs whom I have known and those I am still getting to know and thank them for enriching my life with love.

What's playing in your head?

2009-05-12T07:02:00.000-07:00

Judging from the impassioned responses I received on the man scarcity column last week, it’s clear we (sistas and brothers) need to engage each other on a deeper level about what’s really going on.

It’s so easy to get distracted in the drama but should we but step out of it for a moment and dialogue to future truths; we may be surprised at what we could create. For whilst we wallow in self-pity, we remain locked in a scarcity consciousness that is all pervasive.

Look around you, the energy circulating through the earth is laced with scarcity consciousness. It’s difficult not to get sucked into the vortex because it’s a global phenomenon. The thorny subject of ‘good men’ or the lack of them, is just one facet of a roughly cut diamond life that seems to be slipping out of reach.

The pessimism about the economy, life being tough and the other current laments, escapes from panic-stricken tongues to permeate our daily thoughts and terrorise us while we sleep.

ZEST FOR LIFE
From the lady at the supermarket till to the newspaper vendor, it seems most people are finding it almost impossible to grasp the zest for life that seemed so readily available just the other day.

Last weekend I spent time with my favourite matriarch Mama Toni. As she spoke to a gathering of women about what it takes to be a ‘sister keeper’ – one who looks out for her sisters - she also told us about the power of one.

I learnt that by simply raising our ‘frequency’ to a more loving space, one person can positively impact multitudes of people. Citing the works of author Dr. David Hawkins, Mama Toni pointed out that it takes just one person who is optimistic and chooses not to judge others to counterbalance the negativity of 90 000 people who vibrate on lower, pessimistic levels.

It gets even deeper and more scientific! In a nutshell, what Mama was showing us was that we all have the capacity to make the decision to be kind, show love and see beauty in all no matter what our circumstances. By doing this we collectively create positive energy.

Easier said than done when you’ve just been made redundant you may say? What happens so easily and often unnoticed are the stories of lack, pain, and injustice that are with us from the moment we open our eyes and terrorise us in our sleep.

SCARCITY CONSCIOUSNESS
We hear of scarcity consciousness but it’s probably more accurate to speak of scarcity un-consciousness. We can force our lips into a smile through despair but if the story in our in our hearts and minds are wet with tears then the disconnect can be devastating.

Take some time to tune into your headspace and listen to the narratives that shape your truth. Do they still serve you? In these times, it is important that we are clear and deliberate about the stories we tell ourselves for scarcity is a state of mind.

Man scarcity

2009-04-30T00:10:00.000-07:00

A few years ago, a well known South African rabble rouser, Eric Miyeni, published a book called, The only black at the dinner party. Not surprisingly, the book caused ructions in certain circles too scared to look issues of race in the new South Africa squarely in the eye and deal. It was much easier to down the bubbly than stomach the aching issues of race relations.

This week, a London based brother told another dinner party story which caused ructions at our dinner party here in Jo’burg. His story was about a group of 40something women who had gathered to celebrate a birthday party in high style.

The story goes like this: picture an uptown swanky London restaurant, jewels, gloss, beauty deluxe, lots of champers and a long table of black women, highly paid, highly powered and highly single.

So, what was wrong with this picture? Amongst the 30 highly eligible women at this dinner party, 28 of them were single. Not by their own doing but definitely by choice. Confused? Their choice of rolling solo was informed by the usual sad song. Black men are simply not available! Sorry, let me rephrase that, good black men are an increasingly scarce resource.

Professional husband
Our brother (the storyteller), seemingly an endangered species was one of the two men at the table. As everyone introduced themselves, he proudly presented his credentials as a professional husband. Tongue firmly in cheek, he knew he’d touch a raw nerve. He’s a man, gainfully employed with two jobs. His day job and his 24/7/365 job as a partner and soul mate is his badge of honour and his lifesource.

The gloss began to melt as his partner was interrogated about where she found such a gem. As the long table bowed beneath unyielding anecdotes about the scarcity of black men and reasons; ranging from wukliss, no ambition to ‘no sugarmama here’ talk, our professional husband looked on in bewilderment.

Confusion reigned as poison arrows missiled by harsh tongues landed in hearts already pierced with pain. As he tried to anchor the issues, he told us the sistas were clear. No surrogate motherhood for them! If it means being single and childless in their 40s, then that was better than carrying a deadweight partner for the rest of their lives.

Start with forgiveness
Reeling in disbelief and horror, one key question emerged from our dinner party table– how did we, black men and women get to this point?

Of course its complex and there’s no simple answer. It could not be as simple as sisters getting too picky or men just abandoning the sistas? Is it really an issue of man scarcity or are we still too scared to deal? For in dealing in truth, the requirement is that we’d have to start with forgiveness, ourselves before others, in order to build bridges of healing. It seems tongue-lashing is far more appealing. Meanwhile, what happens to our communities while we put our lives on hold through fear and blame? Man scarcity? I’m not convinced.

Tune out your noise

2009-04-14T13:55:00.000-07:00

The ice caps are melting, the global economy as we knew it has melted and have you noticed how people seem to be melting down as well? Quite literally! People across the globe are coming down with all manner of unheard of viruses and illnesses that are confounding doctors and so healing with the generic medicines they often prescribe is not so straight forward anymore.

What is going on? I’ve heard myriad explanations from global warming and climate change to aliens sitting as the unseen guests at our dinner tables. Now, these stories, some incredulous, some scary, may well have merit but when you boil it down they also create a cacophony of noise in our daily lives.

Thriving on it
We don’t even have to wait until we’re struck down with illness, the sound tracks that we tune into vibrate with such intensity that it becomes difficult to distinguish one from the other.

To make things worse, we seem to thrive on it! From distressing stories in the news, drama in the house, stress on the job to even running on the treadmill; one track merges into the other until our head hits the pillow.

So, we are rarely able to be still. Of course it’s a choice we make. The constant media diet of violence, murder, disease and scarcity propels us through the day with relentless fear-filled energy.

Physical meltdown
Which station are you tuned into? The Quiet Storm FM or Drama Unlimited FM? Do you really need it all in your life? What would happen if you were to tune out periodically to simply regain some balance and repaint the picture?

The physical meltdowns we experience are largely due to the poor choices we make when it comes to controlling the noise. The fear that dominates our lives these days is all pervasive and somehow totally addictive.

It all boils down to a deafening noise. Fear created by the violence soundtrack – noise; fear perpetuated by the gossip sound track – more noise; we become numb from the negative vibrations yet we continue to tune in.

The fear of knowing
Is it the fear of getting to know ourselves that is the daunting part of this conundrum? It’s so easy to plug into the busy groove and dance uncontrollably to the noise. By so doing, we abdicate our personal responsibility for creating a world where we can collectively create a deeper sense of calm and tranquillity.

For in allowing ourselves time, away from the noise, we might just hear our inner being speak. Reflection demands accountability, for when we listen, we hear sounds of the healing shelter we all naturally seek. Sadly, the fear quicksand sucks us further away from the enormous capacity we have to heal ourselves and armour our souls against the corrosive noise pollution which prevails today.

Seek out your sanctuary and play your part as we collectively turn the dial towards Peace FM.

The gift of healing

2009-03-16T22:03:00.000-07:00

In a few days, South African musicians will lead people from all walks of life in a day of reflection and prayer. The purpose? To use the power of song to invoke healing in us all.

These are not gospel musicians on a crusade. They are musicians representing all genres of music using their gifts in a collective exorcism of society's ills. Fittingly, the healing vigil, called 'Forgive and be Forgiven', will take place in the Freedom Park - a purpose-built monument which marks South Africa's journey to democracy.

South Africa is heading for an election in April, and the campaigning is in full swing. Not surprisingly, one party after another assaults our consciousness with slogans and slick talk. But I'm yet to hear any of them speak to the fundamental need for healing.

Oxygen Boost
Almost like an oxygen boost, I see the musicians and their healing vigil moving not for political gain but in accordance with the life essence which courses through their veins.

They, not the politicians and their mounting campaign rhetoric, will strike the chords which will touch us most deeply. Who better than a group of musicians to lead us in a clarion call to forgive and be forgiven?

It's a deep and pertinent request in these times where so many are focused on what is 'happening' to them in passive affirmation of the tough times touted by the gloom merchants.
The simplicity and power of the musicians' healing gesture reveals the capacity we all have to do something positive about the life we're experiencing each day.

From retrenchments to fears of debt collectors knocking at our door, a dangerous inertia is creeping into our consciousness. Left to fester, it blurs vision, erodes faith and disables our compassionate nature. So, what is it that you have to give?

Moral fibre
Sibongile Khumalo, the visionary behind the 'Forgive and be Forgiven' campaign, is an acclaimed South African opera singer and arts activist. A mother and a nurturer, she speaks of how the growing intolerance and degeneration of the nation's moral fibre drove her to use her gift of music to effect change.

She called on her community of fellow artistes and they have come together in potent response to the disease and anger that is stripping our hearts of love for ourselves and each other.

The healing power of song
We have all been touched by the healing power of song at some point in our lives, but when I close my eyes and imagine the spiritual combustion that will take place at the Freedom Park on Friday, March 20; I can feel divine fire burning brightly.

When you look at what's happening in the world, you realise that it's not only South Africa that needs healing. It is clear that our Earth is in dire need for us all to rediscover our gifts and to use them as an offering of gratitude to each other.

Still Trying

2009-03-16T21:55:00.000-07:00

Last week's piece about the chocolate dream sparked much debate. The issue of satisfaction touched a raw nerve! The concern seems to be over whether satisfaction is a destination or the journey itself. Are you satisfied with your life?

We're all striving for total satisfaction but most of the time the torrent of complaints and negative thoughts in our heads put us far from nirvana. They say satisfaction equals happiness. If it does, then, seemingly, there are many unhappy people out there. Something's wrong with this picture!

Strikes me that a lack of clarity about what motivates our journey is the reason that we (often unconsciously) opt for mediocrity and satisfaction evaporates into the ether.

Getting there
Here in South Africa, there's a phrase you will hear often when you ask people how they are - 'oh, I'm trying' or 'we're getting there'. Well, that says it all!

It's true to say that we're all 'getting there' as we ebb and flow through life's journey, but each time we say 'I'm trying', there's a tape that plays 10 times over in our heads repeating the same phrase. Hardly surprising then, when I meet the same person next week, she's still trying.

Trying to do what? Trying to be what? The problem is that vague, open-ended thoughts end up in murky waters called depression. Being specific is vital to our very being in this world. In that specificity we automatically jump from trying to being, from visualising to actualising our dreams.

Unbridled consumerism
Yes, you've heard it all before but are you listening to your heart? Having nurtured a culture of unbridled consumerism, the external messages saying 'take me!' often ring louder, resonate deeper than those that are within.

Some may argue - it's not our fault. After all, we've grown up in cultures where consumption is literally ingrained into our psyche. Unless we're consuming and demonstrating our capacity to consume, we somehow feel inferior - even within ourselves; forget the Jones family next door!
When you check it out, happiness will continue to elude us because often we're so lost in the act of consuming that we lose our grip on the reason why we wanted it in the first place.
Culturally speaking, whether our life spaces are in Africa, Europe or the Caribbean, the philosophical orientation impacts our understanding of consumption and satisfaction.

Combat desperation
In various parts of Africa, I often hear the message of acceptance in the face of gloom. 'It wasn't meant to be', 'it wasn't for you' and 'God didn't want it that way'. However you slice it up, it means the same thing! Some things in life are tough, but it needn't be the end of the world or your cue for desperation.

This culturally reinforced anchor keeps people strong. Strength is gained from living in the now. Total satisfaction may still be a milestone away but in acceptance, the vision is reinvigorated.
I'm for effortless ecstasy on a never-ending street called desire. Here's to you knowing your hearts desire and daily satisfaction!

The Chocolate Dream - satisfaction guaranteed?

2009-03-02T09:22:00.000-08:00

A suggestive and thought provoking e-mail joke that is doing the rounds caught my eye recently.
It speaks of three of our favourite things; men, chocolate and money. Now, we can safely say that at least two of the topics will consume some part of our thinking during any given week. Suffice to say that the delicious high that makes chocolate so irresistible is probably what makes men and money equally desirable.

If none of the three appeal to you, well, you’re a rare woman! If you find all three are an enticing combination then maybe the email would tickle your fancy. So what did it say?

Truly satisfied
These words were pasted against a rich chocolaty brown background framed to look like a sign that might hang on the back of a public washroom stall door. It said: ‘No woman will ever be truly satisfied because, no man will ever have a chocolate penis that ejaculates money’.

Well, if you, like me had to take a second take then walk with me further. Once we get past the hilarity of the image conjured up in this potent sentence does it strike a deeper chord?
If you had a direct request line to your creator at the genesis when he was creating man would you have dared to request such an intoxicating package in your perfect man?

So why is the e-mail joke is bouncing back and forth across the world in such mirth? Let’s be truthful with one another; whether we package ourselves as demure, vivacious, powerhouse, party-girl or earth-mama or a fiery combination of them all, we all like a little sweetness, pampering, comfort, luxury, good loving and well, I could go on…..

Deep seated desire
Does the joke speak to deep seated desires that we probably feel is too much to ask of ourselves (forget anyone else!) on a sustained basis? A desire to be truly satisfied with where we are with what we’ve got, right now?

The question of satisfaction and whether we’re ever able to get to a space where we’re truly satisfied with any sphere of our lives is a vexed question. For it seems we intentionally embark on never ending mountain hikes, trying to improve, make it better, trying to get there.

Consider why it is that once we accomplish our vision, we duly congratulate ourselves but the satisfaction we imagined is fleeting. So, in no time at all, we charge up our inner resolve and quickly vision another mountain peak to climb. So, most of the time, we’re exhausted, fatigued by the stress and pressure we’ve created for ourselves.

Capacity for change
As creative, reflective and responsive human beings, we have the capacity to change, right now! It’s as simple as allowing yourself to accept what is and break the chain of resistance that creates the pressure cooker of life. In that moment of acceptance, peace will propel you to joyfully create what will be.

For it is likely that if the chocolate man did appear, even for just one night, you’d be too tired to gain any satisfaction. It doesn’t have to be a joke nor a dream. Make your satisfaction the real deal.

It's our time! Women in leadership

2009-03-02T09:16:00.000-08:00

Everywhere I turn I hear this is the year for women in leadership! From women in politics and business to women in the arts, word has it that the time has come where women are gaining ground in the leadership stakes.

Does this mean that the women who have always been there are now being publicly acknowledged for their contributions or is there a tangible increase in the number of women exerting influence in our daily lives and evolution?

Women in the driving seat
South Africa’s political track record is cause for much debate these days. With an impending election due in April this year, the campaigning is at its height. In terms of women however, the ruling party, the African National Congress (ANC) has demonstrated worthy accomplishments in their executive ranks. Significantly, since 1994 (the year of the first democratic elections in South Africa), the ANC has increased women’s representation in parliament from 27% to 42%. During this time, South Africa has also had two female deputy presidents; Phumzile Mlbambo-Ngcuka and Baleka Mbete-Kgositsile.

Recently, former South African president Nelson Mandela’s wife, Graça Machel, a prominent human rights activist in her own right, was an influential humanist voice next in the Zimbabwe negotiations towards a coalition government. Her voice was assertive, empathetic and caring.

A feminine touch to the soft diplomacy stance taken by former president Thabo Mbeki and other African leaders, Machel added a heart-felt dimension to the plight of the people that many had uttered but somehow, her message rang loudest.

So what is it that women bring to the table in politics, business or otherwise? Could it be our celebrated female intuition laced with a little love? Perhaps it’s knowing that working from the heart in fact strengthens the bond to your word and so your intention?

Your heart at the centre
We grew up hearing that the heart has no place in business and that the most effective businesswomen had to behave like men (read: no emotion) to crack the glass ceiling of the gender divide. The past decade has shown business that a people-first approach is more likely to nurture loyalty, trust and ultimately increase productivity. So, maybe it’s no surprise that 2009 is being heralded as the year that women rightfully take their place as leaders in the new world order?

As the world is being recalibrated, we sense the palpable need to do everything we’ve been doing differently. So, the question is; are we women leveraging our God-given advantage with clear purpose and in-depth understanding of the potential we have to change our world, at this time, for the greater good of humanity? We are often credited with being closer to the mystical powers of intuition but do we really know how to access it and use it well on a sustained basis?

Fact is, we women have always been leaders in our personal spheres of influence. If the world is waking up and taking note, that’s great! Now, the call for enhanced leadership of the feminine kind is all pervasive. Its time to sharpen up by tuning into the world more often through the heart and less systematically through the brain. In this way, our love-logic will holistically channel new healing energy into the world and enable both male and female shaped intuitive, heart-felt leadership to higher heights.

Activate your love muscle!

2009-02-22T02:35:00.000-08:00

Can you feel it? The love heart – the colour red, the shape, the symbol, the nuance – is in vogue. I was browsing through one of my favourite décor and homeware stores today and I see that the love heart has evolved into more than the typical jewellery and chocolate fare. I was deluged by heart shaped bakeware, the most desirable fondue sets and of course the expected pamper-me bath accessories.

While you’re probably still basking in the red haze of Valentine’s Day fun now, soon, the memories will become a glimmer. Just like the heart-shaped mineral bath essences melt, our collective bliss of celebrating love this month will also soon fade away. Why?

Joy-filled
When I think back to the delightful heart shaped bakeware in the shop, I whizz forward to a vision of creative joyfilled moments spent baking and sharing. I ponder on how we can make the hearts a more permanent fixture in our lives.

Amidst the doom and gloom of stimulus packages and recession talk, I realise that the real love muscle, the heart, is the only way we’re going to get through this.

What does your heart look like? Do you vision a perfect red two-fold love dome or something more like the biology class diagrams? How does your heart feel? Is it sentimental, soft and warm? How do you use your heart – as an intuitive guide, to manipulate, as a holistic life management tool?

Let your heart be your guide
So, how can our heart guide us through the harrowing economic downturn? By continually focussing on money, making money, the lack of it or having too much money (even in these heady days!) we freeze the gateway to our hearts. What we believe is a logical brain-centered approach to our financial wealth management is probably the most illogical route to take.

For when we are scared of what the future holds and worried about mounting debts, we process life from a basis of fear. Fear of failure and not making it through paralyses us and often prevents us from remembering our heart.

We have a tendency to be so hard on ourselves. Probably an over-hang from the ‘tighten your belt’ philosophy – sentiments which choke any possibility we have to be creative, magnify opportunities and call in the abundance we claim we want.

If we took the lead from our hearts, we would anchor our behaviour in acceptance (no resistance) and responsibility, allowing the possibility of change. This era calls for us to nurture and use the inbuilt tool that we all have – the heart.

It’s interesting that the heart offers such capacity for healing, resolving and regenerating yet; we make limited use of it. When last did you stop to check your heart rating when faced with a tough decision? It’s easy when life is good, but when the going gets tough, our faithful hearts stand by, ready to work.

The invitation
If we accept the heart-felt invitation to seed opportunities in these turbulent times, then by re-channelling our energy away from worry to the ultimate love muscle, our hearts, we will be stepping firmly along the path to tranquillity, harmony and abundance. It’s ours for the taking and what’s more, it’s within us all.

Will the real men please step up!

2009-02-22T02:33:00.000-08:00

As we race into the luurve month, hearts pumping, spirits soaring, the love theorists say we should be more alluring than ever. Scientifically, physically and well, even spiritually of course, it goes without saying that when you ignite the inner glow, it’s magnetic.

Now, I’m all for the glow, before, during and after, but maybe we need to think a little longer about the baggage the magical love connection brings.

As for magnetism, the negative attracting the positive or vice versa is a tricky conversation in South Africa these days. For when we think of love; rising in love, being loved-up, loving each other and its inherent risks , the positivity is tinged with that difficult question – is he or isn’t he…HIV Positive? Is she or isn’t she HIV positive? Statistics show that only 1 in 10 people here know their status which leaves the scary reality of Russian roulette as we consider running through the love rain with or without a rain coat.

The Soul City Institute – a health promotion and social change project based in South Africa, uses innovative television dramas, radio programming and more to work at the heart of the matter – behaviour change.

Just yesterday, I heard one of the Soul City senior executives eloquently outlining the task at hand on a local radio talk show. Her thoughts stopped me in my tracks. She outlined how the ABC of AIDS management (Abstinence, Be Faithful, Condomise) has failed to work because people are inconsistent in applying the rules. So, condoms might be part of the mix in the early heady days of romance but after three to six months of sexual relations, the condom is often relegated to those on the prowl. A negative HIV test not withstanding!

Soul City operates across eight countries in Southern Africa and the clarion call is for the conversation. The talk show guest presented an idea which I found fascinating because it was so simple and at once ludicrous! But what if, it could be done?

Mr. Philanderer's story
This is what she proposed as a way forward: Picture the scene; Mr Philanderer calls his multiple concurrent partners together a meeting. Let’s say he has four sistas in tow. He is concerned about his sexual health and he wants to make sure he’s spreading the love responsibly.

So, says the Soul City executive, given the fact that he’s rolling with four regular partners, he should consider the conversation. A discussion about how they can all work together to protect themselves as they share the love.

I’m still working on Scene 1 of this almost farcical scene. But maybe it’s not such an impossible thought. It probably begins with how he starts the conversation before the sistas become bed partners. The moral arguments aside, let’s face it; most concubines know and often accept that they have company.

Woman enough?
Would they be woman enough to be upfront and speak collectively about how each would protect the other? Would the brothers be man enough to step up to the plate? If so, I see room for many more fascinating conversations in the luurve month and way beyond.

Each One, Teach One

2009-02-04T13:15:00.000-08:00

The transition from the industrial era to a knowledge economy over the past decade, has spurned many developments. From the business world to our intimate social spaces, the ways in which we go about our daily lives have evolved to greater heights.

As we strive for optimum efficiency and better connectivity, the advance of technology sends us spiraling into hazy spaces where it's all about 'me'. The focus on the up close and personal has morphed into exactly the opposite!

You can sense the growing thirst for a more personal touch in our everyday business; the need for bonding time and focus re-anchored in quality not quantity. It's the humane response to the fallout that we're experiencing in the Information Age.

We are all players and consumers in the knowledge economy, but how far do we actively craft a brave, new knowledge culture to support our souls in this evolution?

Not surprisingly, one of Africa's greatest knowledge cultures is currently undergoing a revival. What does the word Timbuktu mean to you? For many in the Western and Northern hemispheres, Timbuktu is a mythical, unreachable place that languishes in a mindset tarnished by colonial (mis)education.

In fact, Timbuktu is a city in the West African country of Mali. Boasting a rich cultural heritage, Mali is cited as one of the poorest countries in the world today. Located in midst of the Sahara Desert, Timbuktu is home to what remains one of the world's greatest knowledge centres and one of Africa's most valuable riches - the Timbuktu Manuscripts. Over the last three years, the South African and Malian governments have worked in partnership to revitalise the knowledge heritage of Timbuktu.

Beautiful documentation
Far from being a twilight zone, intellectuals and scholars wrote tomes about all aspects of life from astronomy to civil law, dating back as far as the 15th century. Thought leaders of the day scribed their works in beautiful hand-crafted leather-bound books on handmade paper in beautiful calligraphy. There was a veritable industry created through the documentation and preservation of the word.

Apart from the knowledge economy of the day, the ways in which knowledge was cultivated was defined by a culture of dialogue, debate and contribution from all who cared to participate. Often scholars refrained from naming (owning) their works as they saw their manuscripts as a contribution to the greater good of society.

The manuscripts were read in discussion groups and the insights and conclusions gleaned were systematically documented, adding to the body of knowledge. While the craft of manuscript making has been eroded through the passage of time, the culture of knowledge sharing and evolution continues to exist in the arid sands of Timbuktu.

Brandishing BlackBerrys
Maybe it is we who, brandishing BlackBerrys and high-octane lifestyles, are the ones who will continue to feel bereft and adrift until we are able to drink from a life-enhancing source of knowledge. A fountain that we have crafted in a deliberate effort to create a 2009 knowledge culture devised for our common evolution? As they say, each one, teach one. Let's start there.

Obama Fever

2009-02-04T13:10:00.000-08:00

One of the most significant upside effects of the Obama fever that is sweeping the world, is the high-octane optimism that you can literally touch, smell and feel everywhere.

As I looked at America's first lady, Michelle Obama, glowing with pride, awe and humility as her husband took the inauguration oath, I wondered which cloud she was floating on; how high did she dare dream as a co-creator in this magical moment?

Obama vitality
As we pinch ourselves, many are wishing they could stay in the 'yes we can' dream space which offers such comfort to our souls - three words which salve our wounded psyches while invigorating our spirit. Sadly, I've heard one too many question how they can sustain the optimism. Point is, once we've touched it, we probably could bottle the energy if we but allowed ourselves to reframe dream space from ethereal realms by shaping the Obama vitality into our everyday reality.

Creating the vision is the first and probably easiest step. What the self-help gurus often forget to tell us is how we hold the vision. A week will not cut it! Sometimes it takes years of fortitude and faith. There are clear lessons that can be gleaned from those who have changed the world through dreams.

Clear, unwavering picture
World leaders like Mandela and Gandhi both speak of how they focused on a clear, unwavering picture, painting, embroidery and broadening day by day to see their visions manifest.

It's also a question of orientation. Are you casting your vision from a ship navigating treacherous open seas or are you in a tranquil cove? Where your mind is at is a critical factor.

When we say the sky is the limit, what are we really saying? That the sky is boundless and so everything is possible or that it's impossible to touch the sky and so, in effect, any blue-sky goals are unlikely to be accomplished?
On scratching beneath the surface, we'll see that our mindset is influenced by the most unassuming and subtle things. Take the phrases and sayings that punctuate our language daily with little thought about how they impact our sense of boundaries and what is or may not be possible.

Sayings like 'Don't hang your hat higher than you can reach' and 'don't put all your eggs in one basket' made much sense in a time when it was important to consolidate and secure resources for sheer survival.

I imagine those who coined those phrases also battened down the hatches in the wake of the storm in an attempt to cover their heads and shelter. They called it common sense and no doubt there is merit in that thinking.

As we open 2009 soaring on Obama fever, we're being called to look the storm in the eye. It's not a question of reckless abandon, more an opportunity to run towards our fears and create deliberate, calculated visions based on principles of tenacity and faith rather than the illusion of 'knowing'.

Higgler Times

2009-01-19T19:37:00.000-08:00

This is the first of a three-part series titled 'The Art of Living'which focusses on new approaches for accelerated evolution.

Creative Enterprise
The era of creative enterprise is upon us. Higgler, hustler, entrepreneur or sitting duck - which one are you? Let's break it down. When you size it up, the higgler, hustler and entrepreneur all part of the same package. They are all businesswomen armed with an arsenal of skills requisite for operating in the most demanding business spaces.

We know them well, but how often have we stopped to consider what it is that keeps them in the game? The higglers - female, enterprising, courageous and tenacious - are a firmly entrenched Jamaican trading tradition. Their history in Jamaica speaks of origins in slavery days where rural slaves tended crops to feed their families and the surplus would be sold at high traffic crossroads that became Jamaica's first markets.

Small-time trader
Over the years, the higglers have become a cornerstone of a wealth-creation network that is less prone to recession battering than other so-called 'stable' jobs.
Generally, however, despite their sizeable contribution to Jamaica's economy, the higgler is typically regarded as a small-time trader. Even those who travel overseas to buy and sell wares, named: informal commercial importers are quietly assigned to a lower-calibre level of businesswoman than her suited peer rolling in an SUV.

Not to be outdone, some of our modern-day higglers have evolved their outward appearance and are on level pegging with the SUV crowd but they retain a fiercely independent core. The SUV businesswomen are probably regarded as a different class of entrepreneur because of the business school certificates, access to formal trading sectors and a different approach to doing the business itself. No doubt, those that are successful are also resilient, hard-nosed and intuitive.

So, apart from the obvious infrastructural differences - an office to a market stall, a computer to manual counting system - what sets the higglers apart? Self-reliance.

This side of the world, the higglers find their equals in the 'Mama Benz' a.k.a. the market mammies, who have garnered a reputation for rigorous business acumen and an unmistakable, flamboyant style. Like their sisters in Jamaica, they also run things in their marketplaces through various countries across West Africa, stretching from Senegal to Cameroon, down to the Democratic Republic of Congo and across to Somalia. Southern Africa also has a network of female traders who work on all levels informal, home industry to import and export.

Skilful creativity
In these times of economic instability, they are riding the storm with skilful creativity. The fact is, taking on the challenge of free market trading is a voyage into the unknown, no matter the size of your pocket. The risk of fallout is, of course, the rub.

However, what anchors the higglers/Mama Benzes is an approach which is incisive and calculated and built on a foundation of self-reliance. They have abandoned notions of secure employment or other illusions of security in order to exploit the boundless possibilities available to entrepreneurs who create their own realities.
In these times, in the quest to create economic survival mechanisms, we could learn a thing or two from our beloved higglers.

Flowers of the (R)Evolution

2009-01-19T19:24:00.000-08:00

An avid Flair Fe-Mail Ties reader, once chided me for undervaluing the youth of today. Just shy of her 20th birthday, she lamented the fact that I almost always place more value on generations gone by and traditions of old, and more often criticise modernity. Her stance was that young people today are doing the best they can and that they should be applauded for the strides they're making in these challenging times.

Pause point
As the first few days of the New Year roll by, her words echo in my mind. Word is that New Year resolutions are démodé; but nonetheless, the end of the year is certainly a pause point where it makes sense to stop to evaluate where we've come, in preparation for where we are going.

Amid the celebrations, I observed many well-intentioned people planting new seeds of hopes and dreams for the future. As the struck 12 on New Year's Eve, showers poured down on Johannesburg. As the good-wish SMS messages came in, many prayed that the rain would wash away all the bad memories of 2008, rinsing the slate clean for a new day. If you could start all over again, what would you change? How would you operate in the new day without the lessons of yesteryear? I always look to the past in affirmation of choices that I can make today with a view of tomorrow.

A few days into the new year, I hosted the first 'Earthseed Matriarch Dialogues' for 2009, where a group of Jamaican mothers and daughters gathered to talk about their evolution as women. As the circles of life from daughter to grandmothers spin, we searched for anchors which grounded our life evolution as women in the 21st century. These were always found in the past.
As we explored various facets of the journey to womanhood, we squirmed as our mothers shared with us how they handled their 'monthly' bulky squares of white cotton unimaginable in today's high-tech age of G-string shaped sanitary towels complete with wings!

Public exposure
As we considered the indignity of the public exposure of the squares on the washing line, we noted with reverence the dignity with which they shared their memories. We saw the joy in their faces as they described some of the tougher moments and the skills they have honed into nuggets of wisdom that only age and experience can bring.

So when we, 'matriarchs-in-training', some now mothers, spoke of our journey to womanhood, we all noted with interest the cyclical nature of life. Our challenges were their challenge, a different era, a different solution - or so some thought. We saw that from mother to daughter, those seeds of hope sometimes only blossomed a generation later.

So as we attempt to wash our troubles away, take time for a moment to consider the valuable insights those who have walked before us can offer. Take time to consider also that those bad experiences are the seeds which flower into your personal evolution. So let it rain and nurture but not wash away the seeds planted in celebration of life.

Chalking up de dutty tough

2009-01-05T15:38:00.000-08:00

So, we made it through to 2009! As we herald in the New Year, many are breathing a sigh of relief as the curtains go down on 2008 – and what a performance it was! In truth, it was a roller coaster ride which tested us all to the core.

As we look back, was it ever as bad as the economic pundits said it would become? Granted, it was tough but the world hasn’t come to an end. If anything, 2008 was a year where we had to dig deep and (re)discover aspects of our character that rarely see the light of day because life is so, well – great!

I remember the rash of 2000&gr8 (great) messages that flooded my inbox twelve months ago. Six months down the road, I recall the 2000&gr8 energy had evaporated. I asked the question then as I am now, what will make this year greater than any other?

The doomsayers were having a field day; telling us to tighten your belts and calling us to revert to almost frugal living. They sent hoards of people spiralling into quicksand.

Collective meditation
Almost paralysed with fear, the world began a collective meditation through anxious sleepless nights of what ifs. Baffled as to how we got to this space, as the established world order crumbled, it was all the more scary because we were ill prepared and worse still, ill equipped.

If you think about it, we’ve been here before, in our lifetimes and in our fore parents’ lifetimes. Furthermore, we survived! We came through to triumph because we were forced to learn new skills and re-discover our true ourselves.

Out of 2000&gr8 came the US President Elect Barack Obama. He speaks of the audacity of hope. How audacious are you when it comes to assessing how great 2008 really was.

Would you dare to see, even if for a minute, how resilient and resourceful you have been forced to become? In those 60 seconds, could you glimpse incredulous moments, the endless possibilities of a new dawn that you could create?

As we hurtle into 2009, ushering in a new cast of actors brightly dressed in unfamiliar costumes, are you seated in the front row, gasping for air from scene to scene, or are you writing the script?

Whether we like it or not, we’re all writing our own scripts no matter the economic backdrop or the curtain call.

Looking across the oceans from Africa to the Caribbean, I see and hear a call to retrieve our creativity. In seeking to author our destiny let’s reclaim our deep seated passions and take guidance from our soul.

It starts with acceptance of what is. For it is through the stillness of acceptance that we are able to release pent up angst which blurs our vision and literally incapacitates us. Take it head-on! Chalk up the dutty tough experiences and capture the opportunities that turbulent times always offer.

I’m hearing it already, now 2009 is 2000&shine or 2000&mine. Whichever you choose let your life script nurture seeds of rampant possibility. It is ours for the making.

The greatest gift of all

2008-12-23T19:52:00.000-08:00

December is a fabulous time to be in South Africa. Popularly called the festive season, there are some interesting traditions around. It’s the height of summer and the rainy season when on most days the intense heat is punctured by beautiful thunderstorms.

It’s also the season when people take a full month off and go home, out of the cities, to spend time with their loved ones. So, in December, Urban spaces, usually bustling with activity, become tranquil havens of clear roads, no queues and basking weather. This welcome lull comes after the frenzied spending sprees of everything from trinkets to groceries for the families ‘back home’.

As in many other countries, December is the time for giving whether you are celebrating Christmas or not. Gifts come in all shapes and sizes, be they shop-bought gifts or heart-made gifts.

Joy
Gifts bring joy! You see it on people’s faces –they are more expansive, smile more and you can literally feel the heart-swell of loving energy. It’s a beautiful experience which demonstrates the universal principle of giving and receiving. Through giving, we are all elevated to a higher sense of joy and happiness. The energy is palpable. It’s a shame we’re not able to share the lurve on a sustained basis.

It’s no secret that gift-givers are feeling the pinch more than ever this year. The plastic is not so flexible anymore and cash is in short supply. So, inevitably, we are forced to make choices. Buy less and give less? How so? Surely there’s a way we can buy less and give more?

The Jamaican community living in Johannesburg have decided to gather together on Boxing Day (26 December) and give heart-gifts of love to children in a shelter. Remembering that it takes a community to raise a child, the gesture highlights the plight of children whose parents are not there to give them life’s heart-gifts.

On considering gifts and all things material, how is it that so many fall unwittingly, into the trap of buying gifts to make themselves and the receivers happy? Will the credit crunch leave you feeling empty or unfulfilled because you weren’t able to buy what you’d hoped to give?

Love Gifts
It’s like eating chocolate – giving gifts lifts you to a temporary happy high. For many, not being able to give gifts is akin to sucking lemons. Why so? What happened to your love gifts? What is the greatest gift parents can give to their children? We’ve heard the answer love. Yes, but let’s scratch beneath the surface love of, love to, love for; all of the above?

Surely, the greatest gift from parent to child is a sense of purpose through service? By using our special gifts, we are able to give endlessly to the world by actively defining our life purpose. Let’s not wait till life begins at 40 to claim this gift! Package it, wrap it and unwrap it with your children. The more you give, the bigger it becomes, truly, the greatest gift of all.

Yes we can!

2008-12-15T00:59:00.000-08:00

How often have you heard parents lamenting the fact that their children have gone off track or that they are wondering aimlessly through life with little sense of ambition?

Frustrated parents of those children who have dared to go against the grain and eek out a unique space in the world often also harbour a sense of failure in not having accomplished their vision for their child.

Recall the words penned by the much feted Lebanese poet, Khalil Gibran, in his seminal work, The Prophet, first published in 1924.

He wrote: ‘Your children are not your children. They are the sons and the daughters of life’s longing for itself. They come through you but they are not from you and though they are with you, they belong not to you’.

Angst
The angst is understandable; it’s only natural that we would want the best for our children but maybe we set ourselves up for disappointment by typecasting our children’s lives from the minute they are old enough to recite the alphabet?

What ever religious doctrine you may subscribe to, the source books all speak of a parent’s responsibility to shepherd our children through life. So, it is widely accepted that a parents role is to love, guide and protect their offspring.

So, relentless efforts to instil strong moral fibre, a robust work ethic and a sense of community register as a good success rating in the parenting realm. However, if, as Gibran states, our children represent ‘life’s longing for itself’ then where do you draw the line? Who holds the destiny chalk, you or your children?

Gibran went on further to say: ‘you may give them […children] your love but not your thoughts. For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls for their souls dwell in a place of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams’.

Fittingly, these words, when set against the gloomy backdrop of current global financial crises, serve as an invitation for us to review our perspectives of parenthood. Gibran’s tomorrow is now!

Wayward
Speak to the ‘wayward’ children; those who respond to ‘life’s longing for itself’ and you will hear stories of a journey deep with conflict as they wield a double-edged sword of respect for their parent’s desires countered against their soul’s yearnings.

This leaves many tossing out passion in search of steady incomes no matter how soul destroying the career. Those brave enough to stick their neck out are often confused as they navigate through feelings of betrayal to the parental vision to pure joy as they touch their dream.

Is there room for a happy medium? Parenting styles that seek to nurture the soul vision while building the foundation blocks of ambition, drive and passion? We better get ready to find it, because today our children say, yes we can!

Cultured Sex Talk

2008-12-10T19:13:00.000-08:00

It seems sex education in our homes is still a touchy subject. Even against the backdrop of the ravages of HIV/AIDS, nurturing healthy attitudes around sexuality in our children remains a culturally sensitive minefield.

Globally connected, yet rooted in our heritage, issues of sex and sexuality in our families are taking centre stage in our world – like it or not.

As the world reflects on the impact of HIV/AIDS, celebrates successes and shares ideas about how do deal with the evolving challenges of the pandemic, young people are seen as the key driver in turning the tide of HIV infection rates, through attitudinal and behaviour change. How? - By taking personal responsibility for their lives and by being in the know. Information, education and dialogue are the fundamentals.

Touchy subject
So, where did you learn about sex? Who helped you navigate through the confusing maze of puberty as you discovered your body through tingly feelings and strange body odours? In some families, discussions about sex and sexuality are, even today, a no-go area.

Some claim it’s a cultural issue saying we, (read: Africans on the continent and in the Diaspora), do not believe it’s appropriate to dialogue with our children about the fuzzy details of sex and their bodies. Still, we agree on the importance of instilling moral values of chastity, abstention from sex before marriage and self-respect.

How so? Is it possible to paint the rose without allowing our children to smell it?

Side Stepping
Are we using culture as an excuse to side-step the ever more complex responsibilities we have as parents?

While we’re nurturing values and ideologies through our cultural mores what is holding us back from collectively devising approaches to bridge the dialogue gap between us, the way our parents taught us and the new generation?

Young people are gasping for information. No matter the geographical location, young people across the world are part of a global youth culture. In a technologically advancing world, access to sex in all its forms is a click away on a cell-phone or a computer.

From Rianna’s sensuous hip-rolls and 50 Cent’s ménage-a-trois video scenes to the pastor’s Sunday morning sermon about the virtues of abstinence; youth are hit by conflicting messages of sex and sexuality from all sides. The very cultural icons they adore threaten to erode the roots we, as parents, strive to plant in the home.

Let’s face it; even our homes are not what they were. For many caught up in the frenetic activity of life, the idea of a Sunday dinner with the family has become a luxury – but that’s for another day!

The statistics speak for themselves. With one in three people HIV positive in some regions of South Africa, sex education in the home and the community is at the sharp end of the wedge in HIV/AIDS management.

The call is to stretch our parenting role from technical ‘birds and the bees’ information to developing a cachet of life-skills that will empower our children to confidently navigate through the barrage of sex (mis)information. For it is skills of negotiation, listening and assertiveness that will enable them to make informed choices when faced with making a decision that could irrevocably change the course of their lives.

Our culture doesn’t allow us to talk openly to our children? Enough said.

Teach your children well

2008-11-24T02:40:00.000-08:00

During a recent gathering, a number of 30 something Diaspora women lamented about how disciplining their children today is a more difficult job than in their parent’s day. Apparently, children then were much more ‘compliant’ and understood that whether it was the belt, slipper, switch or love-stick that punishment meted out was in their best interests and certainly not up for discussion.

Fast forward to current day and we as mothers and our offspring, have evolved to a space where we question whether our parent’s tough love approaches designed to keep the children on the straight and narrow are exactly that – too narrow? Would you call it evolution or quiet terror as the goal posts move have we lost our footing in a world where discipline is regulated by government authorities and the sharp end of child-rearing has become a much publicised human rights issue?

Disciplinary Methods
Sade, a London-based Nigerian sista believes the disciplinary methods her parents used have stood her in good stead. As far as she is concerned, their early versions of ‘time-out’ where she was told to kneel in a corner, hands on head till her arms ached while she ‘came to her senses’ worked wonders. She emphatically assured us that such methods work equally well on her children today.

Some sistas agreed, some didn’t – so, were we, as children, really more compliant? Truth is, it’s a new day! Three decades ago, both parents and children were insulated from new fangled child-rearing ideas and sometimes misappropriated rights driven by media pop culture.

Our parents and their parents shaped their cultures of discipline, child rearing and community building on long-held notions of values systems informed by history.

Jamaican Discipline
Nadia, a Jamaican 60-something mother of three shed some light on issues of discipline back in the day. She recalled how she shudders when she thinks of the ‘mistakes’ she made as she was bringing up her children in the USA during the sixties, seventies and eighties.

A gentle and sensitive soul, she had been brought up in a God-fearing, tough love regime where hard work and stern discipline were the order of the day. The oldest of nine children, she remembers her father as playful but firm and her mother as the strict no-nonsense disciplinarian.

Nadia told of how the daily trek to fetch water before school may today look like child-abuse, but how she and her siblings enjoyed the responsibilities given to them at a tender age. They may have had less idle play time than children of today but they made the most of the time they had together and made fun out of the chores.

Licks
The much feared belt reared its head often and in hindsight she agreed that the thought of the belt was probably much worse than the few occasions when she actually felt the lick of leather on her skin.

Such experiences, she says, have undoubtedly shaped her resilient yet temperate personality today. Her husband, a Trinidadian retiree, also came from a similar disciplinarian regime. So, together, they had no qualms in following similar approaches in their child-rearing years.

Nadia’s describes her ‘mistakes’ as the dilemma she and husband faced as they wavered between the zero tolerance approach they grew up with and the experimental free expression of Montessori and others.

In reflection she cautioned the mothers at the gathering of the increasing need to clearly reframe approaches to discipline which do not annihilate our sense of being, our culture; while also being courageous enough to slaughter holy cows if deemed necessary.

In distilling the task of parenting clearly, we seek to do what our parents also sought to do – to teach our children well.

Mama Africa Miriam Makeba

2008-11-19T20:39:00.000-08:00

In Loving Service

"Some people call me 'Mama Africa'. At first I said to myself: why do they want to give me that responsibility, carrying a whole continent? Then I understood that they did so affectionately. So I accepted. I am Mama Africa", said Miriam Makeba in an interview in 2005.

When news of 'Mama Africa's' passing hit us last Monday, the world was reminded of the mantle that she humbly carried to the end. Poignantly, Mama Miriam had just finished performing at a human rights protest concert in Italy before she collapsed and later died.

Moving Tributes
On reading the numerous obituaries, and hearing moving tributes of special memories left with those who were close to her, it is clear; Mama Africa's love for humanity and dedication to her life's purpose never wavered. Hers was a gracious walk along a path which called for much personal sacrifice and for the deliberate use of her colossal singing talent, to illuminate human rights inequalities around the world and specifically to the land of her birth, South Africa.

Her generosity of spirit was legendary. While living in exile in various countries around the world, Mama Miriam provided a home of warm solace for fellow musicians and freedom fighters. An open-door policy at home meant pots were always on the boil and her kitchen fed many on not only good food, but spiritual sustenance.

Mama Miriam's love-centred approach in her relentless fight against injustice touched people's hearts at home, onstage and in political circles.
She chalked up an array of notable accolades and awards in recognition of her work. Mama Miriam's clarity in her sense of purpose had been honed from a tender age.

Her matriarchal legacy serves as an inspiring reminder for us to take a closer look at our personal commitment to service. Whether Mama Miriam was offering a plate of heart-warming food or heart-rending insights into the tribulations of apartheid, her gifts were offered to the world.

In this age of rampant consumerism, the focus on individual gratification (no matter how fleeting) is eroding our sense of community and dedication to serving our fellow brothers and sisters.

Values of respect
It's never too early to start! As mothers, biological or otherwise, we strive to nurture values of respect, compassion and love for others in our children. It would seem that in a world where 'what's in it for me' is rapidly dimming our commitment to service, the sooner we orient ourselves in 'how can I help' mode, the closer we'll come to achieving fulfilment and advancing humanity.

May you rest in peace Mama Miriam and your life's work lives on as a beacon of inspiration for us all.

In search of perfection

2008-11-14T06:15:00.000-08:00

When President Elect, Barack Obama stood victorious, delivering his acceptance speech, he thanked his entourage and the most important people in his life for their support. His face glowed as he spoke of his wife of 16 years, as his best friend and partner.

Now best friends come and go, and with statistics in South Africa revealing that one in two marriages ends in divorce, it seems marriages are becoming disposable baggage too. It begs the question, what is it that keeps the love fire burning?

Sisters around the globe complain at the seemingly impossible task of finding the perfect man! We become more bewildered as we stumble from one failed relationship to the other. Have we lost sight of what it is we’re looking for in Mr. Right? Who sold us the mirage of the perfect other? Did you buy into the dream?

We’ve seen and heard it all too many times before. The packaging looks good but before you know it, life on the inside is not feeling so sweet. From emotional ice-blocks to serial philanderers, the stories are woeful. They leave us with a gaping hole of hurt that festers if left unattended, transmuting into fibroids and other feminine dis-ease.

It would seem many have chosen to accept that there is no such thing as Mr. Right. Get real they say, man is man, they’re all the same! In allowing such possibilities to be reality we self-sabotage our own desires, opting, disillusioned for stagnant unfulfilling unions.

We’ve lost sight of what we’re looking for because we’re looking in the wrong place. Furthermore, wounded and defensive, we often place responsibility for our happiness in the hands of our unsuspecting and yes, sometimes ill-equipped mates.

So, is there hope for those who are not prepared to wallow in relationship mediocrity? Most definitely! Our creator fashioned us for a mate and so, in optimistic spirit, we relentlessly seek that perfect relationship. It is possible!

Seems to me, it’s high time we evolve our skills set, re-set our perfection perspectives and re-orient ourselves to an internal focus. It really is all about us!

We’ve spent centuries honing nurturing skills and cultivating Amazonian stamina for whatever life throws at us. The current world order calls for a similar bouquet of skills, but packaged differently.

In terms of our partners, we struggle to sift through conflicting images of who and what we are meant to be as modern women. So, when our relationships unravel, in desperation we misdirect our energy by focussing on the ‘coulda, woulda, shoulda’ drama. With emotion blurring our vision, it’s difficult to introspect but that is exactly what’s called for on a regular basis whether its sunshine or rain.

The answer to our search for perfection in others lies within us, not in our loved ones. Can you truly say you invest as much time and energy in giving to yourself as you do for others around you. Part of your evolved skills cachet includes the ability to create ‘love me’ time and space in your life without apology knowing that it is in loving you that you perfect the art of loving others.

Rising in love

2008-11-03T03:59:00.000-08:00

Picture the scene: you and your chocolate dream meet, date and now enjoy significant other status. Then, there are children in the picture and soon, life has become a busy schedule punctuated by joy and ecstasy, heartache and pain and all the consolation bits in-between. Falling in love was fabulous and now this part?

Twelve months of happiness
Relationship psychologists report that the bliss of the honeymoon phase will last for a maximum of 12 months. So, according to them, like the addict’s first high, we spend the rest of our lives striving to recapture those times. Those days when nothing could dim the euphoric of love-rays which lifted us, soaring, to cloud 9.

Of course we experience moments where we skydance in happiness; the birth of a new born baby, the graduation, the joy of a birthday surprise, the warm fuzzy feeling of living and growing as a family.

Wouldn’t we be short-changing ourselves if we brought into the one year scenario? Surely, our creator would not limit our capacity give and receive such beautiful gifts to each other to only 12 months? That said, we don’t have to look too far to see couples weighed down with responsibilities and emotional baggage. To the extent, they hardly communicate and live as strangers who share the same bed every night. So, how do we recapture those heady days? Is it possible to experience rapture on a constant basis?

Rising in love
Blissful living is in closer reach than we may imagine. It starts with our love anchors – our love orientation. I’ve often heard my beloved matriarch say that couples should focus on rising as opposed to falling in love. She teaches that by simply replacing falling to rising in love, we zone into a rapturous paradigm of thinking, doing and being with our loved ones.

According to her diverse wisdom, we get carried away in the thrill of early romance and literally do as the blockbuster movies teach us – fall in love. While falling we lose our grip of reality and begin to make completely irrational decisions based on illusions of fiery lust driven connectivity.

Taking time to work out whether this partner is an asset that will grow your family investment portfolio is the discussion to be having. Checking whether his finely toned body will make for handsome children is, of course, also a consideration but before all of that know where your love ship is anchored.

Is your love-vision set on a path that can articulate what a true partnership looks and feels like? One that values giving and receiving as opposed to giving and taking? Are you ready to be what it is you want to see, to give and allow yourself to receive? In exploring these questions the answers will reveal joyful dreams, spread out as wings as we rise in love.

Abundance: Female nature or nurture?

2008-10-20T03:43:00.000-07:00

It’s official! The banks are cashing in us! It’s less about our pay checks and credit cards, and more about our nature. They love us because we’re women! It’s our innate ability to nurture, indelibly built into our nature that they want to tap into.

Bank research amongst rural women in the Far East and in Africa reveals that women who loan money almost always pay it back, on time. Not only do they honour their deals with the bank, they honour themselves and their communities by making the money go further. Often, women will naturally spread the spoils far beyond their nuclear family. The banks have picked up on this and so are targeting women as key drivers in their business.

Our nurturing qualities are renowned; after all, most women glide effortless through our various nurturing roles without thinking. We’ve probably been socialised that way and so we slot into pre-ordained spaces from corporate hot shot to wife, mother, sister, sista-friend – the list goes on.

But let’s be real. We love it too! Even though we sometimes stress over our (in)ability to cope, our heart swells at every nurturing opportunity we get. In fact, it feeds our soul! In the giving, we are also receiving.

So, if we are born with such fabulous rainmaking talent, how come most of us are still seeking abundance? Abundance is a slippery concept at the best of times, even more so when we’re faced with doom and gloom news about global economic meltdowns at every turn.

When you look back, how did our mamas raise families of eight or ten children on one or inconsistent income? It probably has much to do with creative money stretch strategies formed on pillars of love and faith that it would be enough.

Maybe it’s because we generally look outside ourselves for ways to create abundance as opposed to tuning into our female-essence as the key. As divinely gifted rainmakers, we possess incredible power to multiply whatever we touch. Seems though that the more we touch each other, the more abundance we’ll create. So, how far do we go in offering nurturing gifts in service of each other as women?

Now that’s power! Imagine what would be possible if we consciously cultivated abundance by caring, sharing and taking time to be with each other in nurturing spaces on a regular basis. Yes, we spend time together doing a range of every-day things that may nurture our immediate needs. But imagine what focussed nurture time could create?

It’s time for us to cash in on ourselves! The banks have seen the multiplier effect, have you? When last did you give thanks for your nurturing nature as one of the most potent forces of creation? Create nurture circles and invest in collective prosperity. It’s ours for the making.

Ubuntu: Movement of da people

2008-10-06T20:04:00.000-07:00

When I think of random acts of kindness, I recall beautiful childhood memories when unexpected rainfall brought visitors to the house. They were not always known to us, often arbitrary people, taking shelter on my grandparent's porch while the rain passed. No permission needed. No one blinked an eye; it was the most natural thing in the world.

Thankfully, there are still places where such experiences are commonplace. After all, it's woven into our sinew, the need to give and receive and to really care. It's a basic part of who we are, isn't it? Such exchanges speak to love and simply being human.

Reclaiming humanity
The world is waking up to speedily reclaim what was rapidly becoming undervalued - our sense of community. Have you noticed how many movements are gaining momentum these days? As we read about the global slow food movement, do we heed the call to trash the quick-mix pasta sauces and cornmeal porridge in a microwave and swiftly return to savour rich aromas usually reserved for the Sunday table?

Some currently riding the wave in South Africa, the self-descriptive slow thought movement, and the moral regeneration movement, speak volumes about a growing need to redefine how we engage with one another, be it at home, at work or in our leisure spaces.

At one of the many Heritage Day events celebrated in South Africa on the September 24, the third Ubuntu Award was presented to retired Cuban President Fidel Castro. Created by South Africa's National Heritage Council, the annual award honours people who consistently embody humanitarian values which anchor the African philosophy of Ubuntu. Former President Nelson Mandela and Former Zambian President Kenneth Kaunda have also been recognised as beacons of ubuntu.

Ubuntu is notoriously difficult to explain in English without losing the nuance of the philosophy. Ubuntu principles are deeply rooted in a lifestyle framework where every person is knitted together in a behaviour code which upholds community and culture over individuality.

Essence of ubuntu
The essence of ubuntu emphasises hospitality, tolerance, appreciation and respect for one another. The spirit of Ubuntu is what anchors genuine acts of giving without asking, 'what's in it for me?'

What's in it for you and me is the chance to rescue our collective living values and reframe them in our everyday lives. It's an opportunity to move away from lifestyle trends that are fast eroding our soul. In placing humanity at the centre, we embrace the opportunity to revive harmonious relations with one another. So, yes, come join the Ubuntu movement where we chose 'we' over me, knowing that without you, I cannot be.

Email: d.empressheart@gmail.com. Blog: http://femail heart.blogspot.com.

Love: the body politic?

2008-10-06T19:39:00.000-07:00

Who’s your best friend in this world and why do you love them? Is it because they’ve stood by you through some of life’s most exciting and challenging times? How do you express your appreciation for their friendship?

I did a quick impromptu poll around the room recently and everyone cited a person as their best friend. No one could begin to consider their body as their best friend. My body!?! I hear you cry in disbelief. Yes! Your body as your best friend - think about it.

Your body reflects everything you are feeling, going through and believe from deep within. When you live excessively, it shows. When you live a balanced, joy-filled life your body responds with super energy, great health and emits a magnetic glow that everyone notices.

You could say the body is a no-holds barred mirror that never lies. Can you truly say the same for any of your relationships with friends no matter how loyal? They love you yes, but they could never love you the way you could love yourself.

I know two people (living in two continents) who came to learn this simple truth through their amazing weight-loss journey. Both were vivacious, highly successful career women who had the world at their feet. Both decided they wanted to radically change their curvaceous body shapes. So, they lost over half their body weight and have, against the odds, kept it off. A success story on the surface but deep down, both devastatingly reveal they lost not only the weight but some of their ‘closest’ friends.

Their friends, who come packaged in various body shapes and sizes from and walks of life are united by a shared but muted desire. All of them, women, wanted to change something about their body. Only some however, were courageous enough to voice and reflect on their deep seated woes as the body shift they saw in their closest sista friends sparked uncomfortable and unexpected feelings of resentment. Others veiled the same issue as caring concern for health, not stopping to realise that they never showed such concern when their friends were double the weight and at increased risk of heart disorders, strokes, diabetes and the like.

As they saw their friends rapidly morphing into beautiful butterflies and becoming (in their eyes) even more successful, the friendships suffered strain. Through tear-filled eyes, both women caution that such responses were unforeseen and they have never felt so alone. Intense as it was, they came to the radical conclusion that nurturing their love for self and their bodies was the not only the catalyst that changed their friendships but ultimately, was also the only way to diffuse the pain.

So, to the question; statistics show that dieting is the highest ranked obsession for women over 25 years of age. We also know that over 95% of diets fail. Ever thought about the possibility of loving yourself slim as opposed to starting from a basis of rejection?

Think about how many times you’ve insulted, abused and hurt your soul by storing up heavy and negative emotions about your body. Would you do the same to your best friend?

Taming the beast

2008-09-23T02:05:00.000-07:00

I'll never forget the triumphant smile of a poet who gazed into space as she rubbed her belly, inviting us to pause with her as she recalled sweet memories of how her pregnancies had emblazoned beautiful stretch marks across her stomach.
That moment captured the pride she felt as the woman whom she affectionately described as her warrior-self. This woman, brandishing stretch marks - red streaks on her caramel skin - chose to call them warrior marks.
During her performance, she stripped bare notions of public decency and took us below skin-deep as she delved into spaces and places many would care not to go with the lights on.

Warrior marks
Taking her time, she propelled us along her lyrical journey as she lovingly told us how the warrior marks on her stomach were a daily, joyous reminder of childbirth.
To her mind, her rite of passage from young woman to motherhood elevated her to undeniable status affirmed, literally, by her warrior marks.

Clearly, what we see as beautiful is a question of interpretation. In framing our codes of beauty, consider for a moment how our culture shapes our beauty filter.
In some West African countries, lines of gentle skin folds which ripple every time you turn your neck are seen as the epitome of beauty. From Kinshasa, to Lagos, to Kingston, a smile which reveals a gap between the two front teeth is delightfully powerful and captivating, often reducing the most composed suitor to blabbering distraction. A potent symbol of beauty, I've heard many stories of how dentists have been coerced into creating a gap by filing away a 'perfectly good' tooth. Urban legend, perhaps?

Ample or fluffy
Now let's get to the ample body shape. Fluffy, I hear them say in Jamaica? African cultural nuance associates size 14-plus women (and men) with affluence, good health and desirable social status. When we talk of desire, a shapely, 'good-hold' woman is regarded as an enviable catch.
More than urban legend, it's a cultural heritage that many young people today recognise but challenge and disconnect as they become increasingly confused by beauty barometers set by the media that conflict with their upbringing and value systems.

Self-deprecation
So, as we saw last week, yet again, the beast of self-deprecation silently rears its dreadful head. It lures us into forgetting that the power source for holistic self-acceptance and nurturing of self-love actually lies within us.

The catch 22: as matriarch poet, Maya Angelou asserts in her classic poem, 'Phenomenal Woman', and South African trailblazer new, generation poet, Lebo Mashile, dreams in 'Tomorrow's Daughters', women will stand tall, strong and proud in resistance. Also, that we accept the invitation to holistically develop modern-day beauty codes which celebrate our kinky, voluptuous spots as we reframe our heritage lens and firmly place it in tomorrow. All this, of course, as we lovingly stroke the beast into submission.

Links:
Lebo Mashile Tomorrow’s Daughters
www.lebomashile.co.za
http://lebomashile.co.za/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=33&Itemid=57 –

Maya Angelou:
www.mayaangelou.com / http://www.feminist.com/resources/artspeech/insp/maya.htm

Beauty and the beast

2008-09-15T05:17:00.000-07:00

As I flip through the pages of glossy women’s mags, I’m overwhelmed by the relentless fire of ads that tell me my skin is not smooth enough, how to reverse the aging process for fear of wrinkles, how my hair is not shiny sleek enough and how at 30something, only surgery will flatten my stomach to its prepubescent splendour.

What is interesting is that the very industry, (yes see $$s!) that consistently manufactures and churns out the latest version of universally acceptable ‘cause-they-say-so’, airbrushed images of beauty is turning in on itself.

It seems there’s a new beauty code that is being subtly infused into our psyche through the very same ads. Now, they tell us – all that that they said was beautiful is no longer en vogue. Infact, quite the opposite!

What does this mean? During a recent chat with a casting agent friend, she, a buxom beauty herself, gleefully told me that the ad creatives are now looking for regular looking people. There’s a trend in the ad industry to place people that look like, guess what? You and I!

At last, I hear you cry, as your heart leaps – at least now there’s a chance that you may just be socially acceptable? Now surely, more of us can play the glamour stakes? Are they saying that cellulite orange peel skin and stretch marks are no longer such a vanity offence after all?

In South Africa, many women naturally possess what are probably the most sexy genetically enhanced hourglass figures on the planet. Natural hi-riding bumpers that would send J Lo running to the surgeon, trimmed with neat shapely waists are the inherited beauty of many this side of the world.

However, as the diet and beauty industry tightens its grip, women from girlchild to the 40somethings try to shear off nature’s inches as they squeeze voluptuous thighs into skinny drainpipe jeans- all the range in the fashion world yes– until they tell us its something else!

Meanwhile, the sisters are burning up on the inside as they edge further along a self-effacing path to never being good enough. How much longer are we going to allow the beauty industries to dictate our standards of beauty and raise the insecurity bar while making so much money out of us?

Yesterday it was waif-slim, today, its regular Joe and Jenny and tomorrow- who knows?! Just where is this beauty and the beast syndrome coming from. Is it all imposed on us or are we making poor judgement calls when it comes to packaging and asserting our God-given assets as beautiful.

Seems to me that every time we invest in a new anti-cellulite cream or decide to follow the latest fad diet we co-sign on the agreement to keep feeding a beast called unworthiness within us. Do we really need the beauty industry to package ‘real women’ for us to consume all over again? A resounding NO! We’re already the real deal and we love us!

Simple Pleasures

2008-09-09T08:30:00.000-07:00

The other day as I sat at the salon quietly observing life go by, a hot 80s, Kool & the Gang tune playing on the radio took us back to the 80s, had us all grooving and reminiscing about when, according to my salon friends – times were sweet.

I heard (and remembered) how those were the days when we used to go out dressed to the nines, knowing we looked hot and whoever had the privilege of crossing our perfume laden paths –well, they knew tonight was the night!

We laughed as we recalled the dance moves and lamented about the days when life seemed to be more fun, more enriching and ironically, more simple.

Ok, so some things haven’t changed, maybe the S-curl and the hi-gloss lipstick has been swapped for bling and more bling. So, we still love looking good but valuing and appreciating beauty in simple things is a rare quality these days.

Maybe we’re just getting old, chirped a sister in the corner. Not so, according to my locktician twisting my locks through his fingers. He pointed out that in ‘the good old days’, life’s simple pleasures were as basic as being able to go out and have fun without fearing for our safety. He added that young people these days have so much to deal with. Alcohol, drugs and the constant battle of competing to be the world’s most cool, switched on, connected but worse still, being alive to see their 35th birthday.

Seems the bottom line is, life is cheap these days. For all the gadgets, access to technology and information designed to enhance our lives, clearly we are dangerously close to becoming completely devoid of life’s so-called, ‘simple pleasures’.

So what are simple pleasures to us these days? Consider time - a fast evaporating commodity? – some say there is never enough! When last did you take time to feel the juice of a luscious mango run down your chin? Whilst on our never ending treadmill of must-do, have to and where to next, it seems we have to plan time to just be.

We are feeling the heat and the call to unclutter our lives abounds from Oprah house makeovers, to the health gurus who warn that clutter, the unending quest to acquire and consume is the biggest threat to our lives. Read: stress! Stress that comes from worrying about keeping up with the Jones’ and the fear of never having enough. Truth is, what ever we have will never be enough.

In our love-hate relationship with cosmopolitan modernity, we love the experiencing and consuming shiny new things, however, deep down we yearn for the worn, comfortable ‘old’ things.

When we look back, generations before us never had facebook but they were deeply connected to each other. They took time for and with each other. They experienced life’s luxuries from a different perspective.

It’s a calling and some are heeding the call. Imagine the collective power of a global reality which prioritises time spent being instead of time spent doing in the quest to raise the stakes of consumerism. Simple pleasures – Taking time to feel, to love, to listen, to be, will pave a road to everyday ecstasy.

Soul banks – the wealth option?

2008-09-02T22:10:00.000-07:00

Money makes the world go round, or so we’re told. In today’s world where the cost of living is spiralling out of our stratosphere, money, the lack of it or the desire for more of it is a permanent discussion topic.

Even before the price of a bag of rice tripled, dreams about chasing sweet money pots at the end of rainbows were key talking points from the liming spot to the beauty salon. Is money the real deal? How many of us talk of wealth as opposed to money and, how many of us have dared to imagine what true wealth looks and feels like?

It seems we automatically associate money with happiness whilst knowing the so called ‘rich and famous’ are often amongst the most insecure, unhappy people. I wonder whether the focus on money as opposed to wealth actually steers us along a long road with pot holes called broke, going anywhere but to a comfortably space of knowing and believing we are wealthy no matter the bank balance.

A few days ago, I had the dubious delight of attending a Soul Session hosted by Old Mutual – a South African financial institution. The Soul Sessions, hosted by two of South Africa’s it celebs – Fezile Mpela and Sophie Ndaba featured motivational talks, speed networking (yes, like speed dating only with above the waist business in mind), fashion, topical discussions and saving and investment tips. It was an engaging afternoon.

A chat with organiser, Lebogang Mkhize revealed that Old Mutual is reverse engineering money management for us, their clients. Being in the wealth creation business, they believe that events like the Soul Sessions address our lifestyle needs while propelling us further along the road to unlocking wealth. They are convinced the link to wealth is deeply embedded within us – in our souls. Food for thought? They are definitely on the money!

Ever considered your soul as your private wealth bank? Is the concept of being wealthy something that resonates, excites or is it scary, indulgent even? Possibly, it boils down to the way we’ve been brought up? Were you raised to expect an abundantly wealthy life as a birthright no matter your social-economic standing?

Or, maybe yours was to seek an education in the quest to work and modestly provide for your loved ones? Maybe neither, maybe both and where was your soul placed in the picture?

What shapes your wealth space? Is it soul anchor or a consumption orientation? Many of us grew up seeing grandma hiding money under the mattress, in books, also heard about keeping vex money or saving for that rainy day. We’ve probably also internalised notions of money being the root of all evil and so, consciously shunned the idea of being wealthy.

By shifting our focus away from money and living our soul-inspired journey, we may see that the eyes are the window to our soul and the soul is our window to life-enriching wealth for all.

History, herstory, our stories

2008-08-18T07:36:00.000-07:00

Three pebbles worn smooth by the lapping waves from a favourite beach evoke precious memories of home for Jamaican poet, Donna Smith. In her bruisingly candid poems laced with a healthy dose of dancehall energy and lascivious humour, Smith opened the floor at the Women in the Arts festival in Johannesburg last weekend.

The pebbles, a parting gift from a dear friend, hold joyous memories which Smith often uses as a source of strength when homesickness sets in. Three simple pebbles hold precious memories and emotive images of good times gone by.

How is it that we are able to infuse such intense emotion into innate objects? A dear friend recently emigrated to the Middle East. The reality of her move set in when 91 packing boxes later, through tear-filled eyes, she watched her life being loaded onto the moving truck. The boxes, some to be shipped, some to be stored, held rich cornerstones of memory, life histories now in transit to another destination. Her tears, painful but cleansing, were clearing the way for new chapters in her-story.

Stories form the bedrock of our lives, shape our identity and invite us to imagine. Through dreams, memories and visions, we are transported back in time and if we wish into the future.

So, what stories will you tell your children and their children? What keepsakes that signpost significant people and moments in time are you gathering? Consider unleashing your creativity and take thoughtful moments to gather symbols that personalise your life story.

Over the past decade in Africa, memory work has become a powerful healing tool for families living with and affected by the HIV/AIDS pandemic. In creating memory boxes and memory books, families and particularly children, are more easily able to process the reality of death and the trauma of loss.

By creatively encapsulating life-stories through personalised notes, photos and quirky mementos, the essence of life is captured for posterity in boxes which are as varied and colourful as the owners. The process of creating memory boxes also helps children shape their identity and more freely talk about their feelings through cherished attachment to symbols representing loved ones, hope and ultimately peace.

Our history as Caribbean people tells of movements, forcibly or otherwise, which uproot our collective memories. I often wonder what our parents who emigrated to the US and Europe in the 50s and 60s would have put in their memory boxes.

In these days of quick fire, instantly accessible and instantly disposable experiences, the call to document personalised textures and nuances of our very life source is becoming more urgent.

By creating time capsule memory boxes, we can all be storytellers weaving valuable threads of life into history, herstory, creating our-stories for generations to come.

Will the real queen please stand up?!!

2008-08-11T04:14:00.000-07:00

When last did you meet a queen? Sure, we know of queens in folklore and fables, and in mythical tales told in dreamspaces, too often reserved for children. In history, we’ve also heard of conquering lionesses - from Nanny of the Maroons of Jamaica to Nana Yaa Asantewaa of the Ashanti nation in Ghana. Both are renowned queens; women who led their people to conquer mighty powers, their prowess and virtues remain poignant affirmations as we celebrate them as national heroes. But, when last did you meet a real-life queen?

As we pause for breath after Emancipendence celebrations in Jamaica, we remember and honour our ancestors who fought and won liberation struggles of the past. Across the Caribbean and the African Diaspora, our recognition of Emancipation Day (August 1) offers us an opportunity to celebrate yes, and also, in the jubilation take time to reflect, define and engage a renewed sense of liberation.

Though we could probably count the number of documented and celebrated female warriors of fame and stature on one hand, we know that the unsung heroines of our past continue to serve in quiet accomplishment. Also queens, their crowns are often intangible and their works, indefatigable.

As for real-life queens, in our urban, cosmopolitan realities, we now talk of dancehall queens and even male queens. Somehow, the respected status of the queen mother is now veering towards media driven superficiality quashing any notion of serving a community.

Take the Rain Queens of the Modjadji female dynasty who have reigned over six generations, originating in Zimbabwe and then in Limpopo, South Africa. Amongst their other duties, the Rain Queens are revered for their ability to invoke nourishing rain showers especially in times of drought and hardship.

In her 2008, Emancipation Day message, Leader of the Opposition, Portia Simpson Miller notes how Jamaica is suffering from the global impact of soaring prices of basic consumer goods. She says; “rain a fall but dutty tough” and calls for action. MP Simpson Miller goes on to say that by building families and strong communities we can create abundant futures.

Rain is a powerful life force that symbolically parallels the significant works of service offered by us women, the real-life queens in our communities. Inherently, women are incubators, nurturers, and gatherers. So as you go about your daily activities, consider for a moment what kind of rain queen are you?

170 years after the abolition of the slavery, the emancipation celebrations present important opportunities to consider the meaning of liberation in our current realities.

As women shaping legacy for future generations to inherit, we are all members of communities at home, in our jobs, social groups and the like. Let us proudly reclaim our queenships and fiercely craft stories which create nurturing and dynamic communities for the future.

So, real-life queens step up!!

Re-engineering the brand ‘good man’

2008-08-04T04:00:00.000-07:00

Imagine if you could re-write the story of creation? What would you change about the formation of man, our esteemed and beloved soul mate? Close your eyes and imagine we are in the garden, but this time, our creator made you, the woman first and then asked you “so, what kind of companion would you like to have?” How would you fashion him?

A similar question was the subject matter of an email joke doing the rounds recently. However, in that story, God created woman first and (as the joke goes) found a good-for-nothing previously discarded item to make man. Apparently, it sparked much mirth but also left twinges of deep pain.

Why would we laugh at effacing jokes about our significant others? Why would we choose to play an active role in dehumanising and belittling those who we claim to want the best of? Given the current status of man/woman relations, it is far from a laughing matter.

Truth is, we hear it everyday, on both sides of the Atlantic and all the stops in between! Less than loving descriptions of our existing and potential soul mates from light hearted jokes to persistent diatribes between us and our long-suffering sisters. All lamenting about how ‘there are no good black men out there’. I sense an element of a self-fulfilling prophecy at play.

I wonder how our children are processing such negativity heard as a constant background track in our homes. Just what kind of brand called man are we creating in their minds?

In the build up to South African women’s month which kicks off this week, I happened upon a talk radio show and heard a concerned man emotionally describe the state of bewilderment he believes men are in.

He admitted that he and other men he knew were mightily confused about what the notion of a ‘good’ man was. He suggested its time men took the situation in their own hands and began to re-brand themselves as clearly, they are being misrepresented.

Re-engineering a brand called good men, what a thought! Any takers? Successful brands clearly present their core truths exemplified through their attributes (values and virtues). So, brothers, in considering the offer to re-brand yourselves, know we (your consumers) are keen to connect with your core truth – your hearts.

Sisters, maybe we should also consider re-engineering our brand? In the quest for a good man, have you defined your value proposition?

Through out the following weeks as we are mindful celebrating emancipation and Jamaica’s independence and Women’s Month in South Africa, let us free ourselves from the ‘no-good men out there’ mindset and joyfully usher in heart-centered, soul boosting visions of the men we intend for ourselves and the women we intend to be.

What’s love got to do with it?

2008-07-28T07:37:00.001-07:00

I’m still reeling from a not-so-gentle and well intentioned scolding that I recently received from a beloved matriarch. She had enquired about my plans for the day. After listening, she told me in a flash that my two hour schedule would need at least double the time and so I would be running late before I even step out of the door.

My matriarch’s no holds barred approach, jolted me into the re-evaluating the phenomenal superwoman legacy I inherited as a mind-condition and a tradition that likely requires re-orientation. The fortitude of our foremothers is to be acknowledged, respected and admired – yes, but in our times, it is apparent that a different type of strength is needed for survival.

After advising me to simplify my life, my matriarch’s closing words were: ‘what ever you think you are doing by consistently over charging your day, it is not love’

What’s love got to do with it, you may ask? Well, everything! In our increasingly pressured and busy lives, the culture of being busy is something we as women use as a yardstick to measure our worth.

The side-effects of juggling families, careers and all that makes up ‘life’, spell one word – stress! In our stress addiction, we become trapped in a paradigm of doing rather than be-ing present and taking time to live and be love. We complain about it, yet we perpetuate it. So, we can change it!

August is women’s month in South Africa. It’s a time when odes to women abound through numerous celebratory activities. We mark the month in recognition of women’s courageous role in the fight for freedom in apartheid South Africa and continued role in creating a new society.

In an admirable bid to recognise and reward women, a slew of South African award ceremonies like Woman of the Year, Women in the media, Women in Government in Business and others, spotlight women who are transitioning society. What links them all? A core virtue - service in love.

While basking in the glow, I ponder when last we took time to taste every morsel of food in a delicious meal, when we just stopped to breathe, and when we will realise that loving ourselves first has everything to do with be-ing. Does it follow that the more we do, that the more people who are touched by our love cloaked as busy-ness (often to the point of martyrdom) the better?

According to my matriarch a resounding NO! She believes our creator had other plans for us. She often reminds me of a simple philosophy directed by nature. As the sun goes down, so it is our time to slow down. Her matriarchal wisdom goes as far to suggest that at night time we should not turn on lights or use electricity, as it is precious time, an invitation to restore, replenish and rebalance.
Lights out, love in!

2008-07-21T01:00:00.000-07:00

It never fails to amaze me how the fashion industry has grown to be so influential in every sphere of our lives. Every season the style mercury rises set by hot heeled Fashionistas and pouting models and iconic musicians.

Hi-gloss catwalks from Johannesburg to Kingston, from New York to Paris, seduce us into believing that if we are not in tune with the latest hemline, we are somehow less than we could be.

As world spaces evolve into global villages, it begs the question whether our grandmothers and their mothers enjoyed greater freedom to just be. I imagine life was far simpler back then. What influenced their style expression?

Our apparel speaks volumes about us before we even open our mouths. Power dressing, hip hop, bling are all potent symbols and images of power. The choices we make in presenting ourselves to the world are pawns in a power game, a dance of smoke and mirrors.

Over the ages, gender activists marched, burnt bras and many died in the quest for equality. After the blood, sweat and tears, just how free are we to just be as women? Some might say, we, multi-talented, multi-faceted, multi-tasking queens never had it so good.

South African society has walked a long road in the fight for gender equality. There is still a long way to go. In a country where incidents of abuse and rape are alarmingly high, power dynamics between the sexes is a burning issue. Freedom of expression, be it through voice, dress, the media or otherwise, is a human rights issue.

Earlier this year, women wearing mini-skirts were assaulted by men at a taxi rank because their clothing was said to be provocative and inviting rape. Fittingly, this event sparked outcry, protests and swift moves from government and civil society to denounce such behaviour as unacceptable.

Last month, research figures exploring people’s feelings about whether revealing attire contributes to the chance of being raped were released. In this, the second study (the first in 2006) there were significant drops. In 2006, 33% of South African metropolitan adults as opposed to 23% in 2008 agreed that women wearing revealing clothes were asking to be raped. That men are taking it upon themselves to beat women into conservative attitudes of compliance indicates there are still many battles to be won. Rape and violence being issues of power rather than sex is really where it’s at.

From mini-skirts to pant suits to midriff exposing lo-rise jeans, who or what influences our dress and what does it say about us? Women of this millennium have more opportunities than ever before to define their iconic style sensibilities. Let us consciously embrace our alluring chameleon like nature and create engaging, sometimes mysterious, sometime brazen expression in honour of our evolution. Let us be.