As their characters and personalities emerge, I'm inspired and directed by a text written by Lebanese philosopher Khalil Gibran on children.
He says: "Your children are not your children, they are the sons and the daughters of life's longing for itself. They come through you but they are not from you and though they are with you, they belong not to you.
"You may give them your love but not your thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams."
I consider myself privileged to be raising two gregarious, inquisitive, caring and hilarious boys; both still under age five! They offer me unconditional smiles, hugs and cheer every single day.
As a mother set on nurturing self-affirmed children who are fully equipped to deal with tomorrow's world, I draw upon my heritage and ancestral cultures to provide a strong foundation for life.
Diaspora family
Living as Diasporan family on the African continent, we share a myriad of cultural heritage which we use to construct life-nurturing and community-building experiences.
Through the many valuable lessons learnt from my mother and all women in my female lineage, I remember they always gave me freedom of choice built on strong values and knowledge of self. This provided a strong backbone which enabled me to spread my wings and fly through my life journey.
As I spread my wings as a mother, I, too, make conscious choices in cultivating my children in an 'enriched heritage' community. This makes for a world view rooted in their multiple histories. This approach shapes balanced, loving and giving people who are able to live in and fully participate in the global community of diverse cultures.
As I look to the future, I remember Khalil Gibran's words and dream of tomorrows world where children of the African diaspora boldly affirm their enriched heritage in multiple, fabulous and notable contributions to humanity.
As we celebrate Mother's Day, I remember and honour the matriarchs whom I have known and those I am still getting to know and thank them for enriching my life with love.
Showing posts with label falling in love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label falling in love. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Will the real men please step up!
As we race into the luurve month, hearts pumping, spirits soaring, the love theorists say we should be more alluring than ever. Scientifically, physically and well, even spiritually of course, it goes without saying that when you ignite the inner glow, it’s magnetic.
Now, I’m all for the glow, before, during and after, but maybe we need to think a little longer about the baggage the magical love connection brings.
As for magnetism, the negative attracting the positive or vice versa is a tricky conversation in South Africa these days. For when we think of love; rising in love, being loved-up, loving each other and its inherent risks , the positivity is tinged with that difficult question – is he or isn’t he…HIV Positive? Is she or isn’t she HIV positive? Statistics show that only 1 in 10 people here know their status which leaves the scary reality of Russian roulette as we consider running through the love rain with or without a rain coat.
The Soul City Institute – a health promotion and social change project based in South Africa, uses innovative television dramas, radio programming and more to work at the heart of the matter – behaviour change.
Just yesterday, I heard one of the Soul City senior executives eloquently outlining the task at hand on a local radio talk show. Her thoughts stopped me in my tracks. She outlined how the ABC of AIDS management (Abstinence, Be Faithful, Condomise) has failed to work because people are inconsistent in applying the rules. So, condoms might be part of the mix in the early heady days of romance but after three to six months of sexual relations, the condom is often relegated to those on the prowl. A negative HIV test not withstanding!
Soul City operates across eight countries in Southern Africa and the clarion call is for the conversation. The talk show guest presented an idea which I found fascinating because it was so simple and at once ludicrous! But what if, it could be done?
Mr. Philanderer's story
This is what she proposed as a way forward: Picture the scene; Mr Philanderer calls his multiple concurrent partners together a meeting. Let’s say he has four sistas in tow. He is concerned about his sexual health and he wants to make sure he’s spreading the love responsibly.
So, says the Soul City executive, given the fact that he’s rolling with four regular partners, he should consider the conversation. A discussion about how they can all work together to protect themselves as they share the love.
I’m still working on Scene 1 of this almost farcical scene. But maybe it’s not such an impossible thought. It probably begins with how he starts the conversation before the sistas become bed partners. The moral arguments aside, let’s face it; most concubines know and often accept that they have company.
Woman enough?
Would they be woman enough to be upfront and speak collectively about how each would protect the other? Would the brothers be man enough to step up to the plate? If so, I see room for many more fascinating conversations in the luurve month and way beyond.
Now, I’m all for the glow, before, during and after, but maybe we need to think a little longer about the baggage the magical love connection brings.
As for magnetism, the negative attracting the positive or vice versa is a tricky conversation in South Africa these days. For when we think of love; rising in love, being loved-up, loving each other and its inherent risks , the positivity is tinged with that difficult question – is he or isn’t he…HIV Positive? Is she or isn’t she HIV positive? Statistics show that only 1 in 10 people here know their status which leaves the scary reality of Russian roulette as we consider running through the love rain with or without a rain coat.
The Soul City Institute – a health promotion and social change project based in South Africa, uses innovative television dramas, radio programming and more to work at the heart of the matter – behaviour change.
Just yesterday, I heard one of the Soul City senior executives eloquently outlining the task at hand on a local radio talk show. Her thoughts stopped me in my tracks. She outlined how the ABC of AIDS management (Abstinence, Be Faithful, Condomise) has failed to work because people are inconsistent in applying the rules. So, condoms might be part of the mix in the early heady days of romance but after three to six months of sexual relations, the condom is often relegated to those on the prowl. A negative HIV test not withstanding!
Soul City operates across eight countries in Southern Africa and the clarion call is for the conversation. The talk show guest presented an idea which I found fascinating because it was so simple and at once ludicrous! But what if, it could be done?
Mr. Philanderer's story
This is what she proposed as a way forward: Picture the scene; Mr Philanderer calls his multiple concurrent partners together a meeting. Let’s say he has four sistas in tow. He is concerned about his sexual health and he wants to make sure he’s spreading the love responsibly.
So, says the Soul City executive, given the fact that he’s rolling with four regular partners, he should consider the conversation. A discussion about how they can all work together to protect themselves as they share the love.
I’m still working on Scene 1 of this almost farcical scene. But maybe it’s not such an impossible thought. It probably begins with how he starts the conversation before the sistas become bed partners. The moral arguments aside, let’s face it; most concubines know and often accept that they have company.
Woman enough?
Would they be woman enough to be upfront and speak collectively about how each would protect the other? Would the brothers be man enough to step up to the plate? If so, I see room for many more fascinating conversations in the luurve month and way beyond.
Friday, November 14, 2008
In search of perfection
When President Elect, Barack Obama stood victorious, delivering his acceptance speech, he thanked his entourage and the most important people in his life for their support. His face glowed as he spoke of his wife of 16 years, as his best friend and partner.
Now best friends come and go, and with statistics in South Africa revealing that one in two marriages ends in divorce, it seems marriages are becoming disposable baggage too. It begs the question, what is it that keeps the love fire burning?
Sisters around the globe complain at the seemingly impossible task of finding the perfect man! We become more bewildered as we stumble from one failed relationship to the other. Have we lost sight of what it is we’re looking for in Mr. Right? Who sold us the mirage of the perfect other? Did you buy into the dream?
We’ve seen and heard it all too many times before. The packaging looks good but before you know it, life on the inside is not feeling so sweet. From emotional ice-blocks to serial philanderers, the stories are woeful. They leave us with a gaping hole of hurt that festers if left unattended, transmuting into fibroids and other feminine dis-ease.
It would seem many have chosen to accept that there is no such thing as Mr. Right. Get real they say, man is man, they’re all the same! In allowing such possibilities to be reality we self-sabotage our own desires, opting, disillusioned for stagnant unfulfilling unions.
We’ve lost sight of what we’re looking for because we’re looking in the wrong place. Furthermore, wounded and defensive, we often place responsibility for our happiness in the hands of our unsuspecting and yes, sometimes ill-equipped mates.
So, is there hope for those who are not prepared to wallow in relationship mediocrity? Most definitely! Our creator fashioned us for a mate and so, in optimistic spirit, we relentlessly seek that perfect relationship. It is possible!
Seems to me, it’s high time we evolve our skills set, re-set our perfection perspectives and re-orient ourselves to an internal focus. It really is all about us!
We’ve spent centuries honing nurturing skills and cultivating Amazonian stamina for whatever life throws at us. The current world order calls for a similar bouquet of skills, but packaged differently.
In terms of our partners, we struggle to sift through conflicting images of who and what we are meant to be as modern women. So, when our relationships unravel, in desperation we misdirect our energy by focussing on the ‘coulda, woulda, shoulda’ drama. With emotion blurring our vision, it’s difficult to introspect but that is exactly what’s called for on a regular basis whether its sunshine or rain.
The answer to our search for perfection in others lies within us, not in our loved ones. Can you truly say you invest as much time and energy in giving to yourself as you do for others around you. Part of your evolved skills cachet includes the ability to create ‘love me’ time and space in your life without apology knowing that it is in loving you that you perfect the art of loving others.
Now best friends come and go, and with statistics in South Africa revealing that one in two marriages ends in divorce, it seems marriages are becoming disposable baggage too. It begs the question, what is it that keeps the love fire burning?
Sisters around the globe complain at the seemingly impossible task of finding the perfect man! We become more bewildered as we stumble from one failed relationship to the other. Have we lost sight of what it is we’re looking for in Mr. Right? Who sold us the mirage of the perfect other? Did you buy into the dream?
We’ve seen and heard it all too many times before. The packaging looks good but before you know it, life on the inside is not feeling so sweet. From emotional ice-blocks to serial philanderers, the stories are woeful. They leave us with a gaping hole of hurt that festers if left unattended, transmuting into fibroids and other feminine dis-ease.
It would seem many have chosen to accept that there is no such thing as Mr. Right. Get real they say, man is man, they’re all the same! In allowing such possibilities to be reality we self-sabotage our own desires, opting, disillusioned for stagnant unfulfilling unions.
We’ve lost sight of what we’re looking for because we’re looking in the wrong place. Furthermore, wounded and defensive, we often place responsibility for our happiness in the hands of our unsuspecting and yes, sometimes ill-equipped mates.
So, is there hope for those who are not prepared to wallow in relationship mediocrity? Most definitely! Our creator fashioned us for a mate and so, in optimistic spirit, we relentlessly seek that perfect relationship. It is possible!
Seems to me, it’s high time we evolve our skills set, re-set our perfection perspectives and re-orient ourselves to an internal focus. It really is all about us!
We’ve spent centuries honing nurturing skills and cultivating Amazonian stamina for whatever life throws at us. The current world order calls for a similar bouquet of skills, but packaged differently.
In terms of our partners, we struggle to sift through conflicting images of who and what we are meant to be as modern women. So, when our relationships unravel, in desperation we misdirect our energy by focussing on the ‘coulda, woulda, shoulda’ drama. With emotion blurring our vision, it’s difficult to introspect but that is exactly what’s called for on a regular basis whether its sunshine or rain.
The answer to our search for perfection in others lies within us, not in our loved ones. Can you truly say you invest as much time and energy in giving to yourself as you do for others around you. Part of your evolved skills cachet includes the ability to create ‘love me’ time and space in your life without apology knowing that it is in loving you that you perfect the art of loving others.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Rising in love
Picture the scene: you and your chocolate dream meet, date and now enjoy significant other status. Then, there are children in the picture and soon, life has become a busy schedule punctuated by joy and ecstasy, heartache and pain and all the consolation bits in-between. Falling in love was fabulous and now this part?
Twelve months of happiness
Relationship psychologists report that the bliss of the honeymoon phase will last for a maximum of 12 months. So, according to them, like the addict’s first high, we spend the rest of our lives striving to recapture those times. Those days when nothing could dim the euphoric of love-rays which lifted us, soaring, to cloud 9.
Of course we experience moments where we skydance in happiness; the birth of a new born baby, the graduation, the joy of a birthday surprise, the warm fuzzy feeling of living and growing as a family.
Wouldn’t we be short-changing ourselves if we brought into the one year scenario? Surely, our creator would not limit our capacity give and receive such beautiful gifts to each other to only 12 months? That said, we don’t have to look too far to see couples weighed down with responsibilities and emotional baggage. To the extent, they hardly communicate and live as strangers who share the same bed every night. So, how do we recapture those heady days? Is it possible to experience rapture on a constant basis?
Rising in love
Blissful living is in closer reach than we may imagine. It starts with our love anchors – our love orientation. I’ve often heard my beloved matriarch say that couples should focus on rising as opposed to falling in love. She teaches that by simply replacing falling to rising in love, we zone into a rapturous paradigm of thinking, doing and being with our loved ones.
According to her diverse wisdom, we get carried away in the thrill of early romance and literally do as the blockbuster movies teach us – fall in love. While falling we lose our grip of reality and begin to make completely irrational decisions based on illusions of fiery lust driven connectivity.
Taking time to work out whether this partner is an asset that will grow your family investment portfolio is the discussion to be having. Checking whether his finely toned body will make for handsome children is, of course, also a consideration but before all of that know where your love ship is anchored.
Is your love-vision set on a path that can articulate what a true partnership looks and feels like? One that values giving and receiving as opposed to giving and taking? Are you ready to be what it is you want to see, to give and allow yourself to receive? In exploring these questions the answers will reveal joyful dreams, spread out as wings as we rise in love.
Twelve months of happiness
Relationship psychologists report that the bliss of the honeymoon phase will last for a maximum of 12 months. So, according to them, like the addict’s first high, we spend the rest of our lives striving to recapture those times. Those days when nothing could dim the euphoric of love-rays which lifted us, soaring, to cloud 9.
Of course we experience moments where we skydance in happiness; the birth of a new born baby, the graduation, the joy of a birthday surprise, the warm fuzzy feeling of living and growing as a family.
Wouldn’t we be short-changing ourselves if we brought into the one year scenario? Surely, our creator would not limit our capacity give and receive such beautiful gifts to each other to only 12 months? That said, we don’t have to look too far to see couples weighed down with responsibilities and emotional baggage. To the extent, they hardly communicate and live as strangers who share the same bed every night. So, how do we recapture those heady days? Is it possible to experience rapture on a constant basis?
Rising in love
Blissful living is in closer reach than we may imagine. It starts with our love anchors – our love orientation. I’ve often heard my beloved matriarch say that couples should focus on rising as opposed to falling in love. She teaches that by simply replacing falling to rising in love, we zone into a rapturous paradigm of thinking, doing and being with our loved ones.
According to her diverse wisdom, we get carried away in the thrill of early romance and literally do as the blockbuster movies teach us – fall in love. While falling we lose our grip of reality and begin to make completely irrational decisions based on illusions of fiery lust driven connectivity.
Taking time to work out whether this partner is an asset that will grow your family investment portfolio is the discussion to be having. Checking whether his finely toned body will make for handsome children is, of course, also a consideration but before all of that know where your love ship is anchored.
Is your love-vision set on a path that can articulate what a true partnership looks and feels like? One that values giving and receiving as opposed to giving and taking? Are you ready to be what it is you want to see, to give and allow yourself to receive? In exploring these questions the answers will reveal joyful dreams, spread out as wings as we rise in love.
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