As we celebrate Father’s Day in 2009, I salute the fathers featured here for their deep connectedness with their children. The joy that radiates through their every word speaks to a keen sense of kinship and bonding.
From the delivery room to the first day at university and other important steps in a child's life, the fathers featured today all mention the importance of 'being there' for their children. Not just for these milestones, but participating fully in their everyday lives. By developing rituals based on a commitment to responsibility and legacy, their voices on fatherhood will resonate for generations to come.
When days like Father's Day come around, I feel an uncomfortable shiver running down my spine. Crass commercialisation dims the evolving character of fatherhood in modern times and often shrouds the real reason for all the hype.
It will be a beautiful day when ritual celebration of our fathers is frequently expressed as tangible accents in our lives and not reserved only for special days. Today, we honour them; we listen in recognition of their soul-deep gratitude for the children in their lives.
African perspectives
TV producer and presenter, Christophe Bongo is a proud father who relates the story of how his daughter's entry into the world was one of the most poignant moments of his life.
He shines with a bitter-sweet smile as he reflects on his approach to fatherhood.
"It's about responsibility. As Africans our responsibility as fathers is so profound. It's not only about financial support; it's about relationships and full involvement in our children's lives. From the way I relate to my wife, the way I speak to my mother, I teach values through the way I behave.
"Fatherhood is also about leadership. I'm handing over the torch that I received and passing it on to the next generation," states Christophe.
Marc Gbaffou, a food technician and chairperson of the African Diaspora Forum, echoes Christophe's sentiments about leadership and responsibility.
"At a young age I was taught that to be a man means assuming responsibility. Don't wait for people to do things for you, lead and show the way. I'd like to see my children being decisive and accountable for the decisions they take by seeing the way I run my life."
The notion of legacy is a golden thread that runs through Marc's dialogue on fatherhood.
"I would feel very proud seeing my children achieve things I couldn't achieve. The biggest challenge for fathers in Africa today is also the biggest opportunity, [it is] to build Africa. In teaching our children how to create resources through building communities, we will all be stronger across the African Diaspora.
"In Africa, the family is a social and divine institution," says African patriot, academic and former Senegalese Ambassador to Southern Africa, Samba Mburi Mboup.
As he describes his experience of fatherhood, Samba recalls how he bathed, massaged and sang lullabies to his children. He remembers how he also carried his children on his back. He fondly attributes his strong bond with his children to an inherited approach passed on from his late father.
"My father was a patriarch and while he didn't carry us on his back, he had a soft heart for his children. Often, we (men) make the mistake of thinking our children's education sits with their mothers. Neither one can do it alone! Both should work together in a spirit of unity and stability."
Strong relationships
When comparing his role as a father to that of his father's era, Samba states that strong relationships with children of today are more important than ever before.
He cites the works of Martiniquan philosopher Frantz Fanon as he asserts that each generation comes with its own mission. They may live up to it or betray their mission, but they have an evolved awareness that can also teach a parent who is open to learning from their children.
"Fatherhood, in my experience, is a unique privilege and spiritual journey," he says.
Showing posts with label good men. Show all posts
Showing posts with label good men. Show all posts
Monday, June 15, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
The Chocolate Dream - satisfaction guaranteed?
A suggestive and thought provoking e-mail joke that is doing the rounds caught my eye recently.
It speaks of three of our favourite things; men, chocolate and money. Now, we can safely say that at least two of the topics will consume some part of our thinking during any given week. Suffice to say that the delicious high that makes chocolate so irresistible is probably what makes men and money equally desirable.
If none of the three appeal to you, well, you’re a rare woman! If you find all three are an enticing combination then maybe the email would tickle your fancy. So what did it say?
Truly satisfied
These words were pasted against a rich chocolaty brown background framed to look like a sign that might hang on the back of a public washroom stall door. It said: ‘No woman will ever be truly satisfied because, no man will ever have a chocolate penis that ejaculates money’.
Well, if you, like me had to take a second take then walk with me further. Once we get past the hilarity of the image conjured up in this potent sentence does it strike a deeper chord?
If you had a direct request line to your creator at the genesis when he was creating man would you have dared to request such an intoxicating package in your perfect man?
So why is the e-mail joke is bouncing back and forth across the world in such mirth? Let’s be truthful with one another; whether we package ourselves as demure, vivacious, powerhouse, party-girl or earth-mama or a fiery combination of them all, we all like a little sweetness, pampering, comfort, luxury, good loving and well, I could go on…..
Deep seated desire
Does the joke speak to deep seated desires that we probably feel is too much to ask of ourselves (forget anyone else!) on a sustained basis? A desire to be truly satisfied with where we are with what we’ve got, right now?
The question of satisfaction and whether we’re ever able to get to a space where we’re truly satisfied with any sphere of our lives is a vexed question. For it seems we intentionally embark on never ending mountain hikes, trying to improve, make it better, trying to get there.
Consider why it is that once we accomplish our vision, we duly congratulate ourselves but the satisfaction we imagined is fleeting. So, in no time at all, we charge up our inner resolve and quickly vision another mountain peak to climb. So, most of the time, we’re exhausted, fatigued by the stress and pressure we’ve created for ourselves.
Capacity for change
As creative, reflective and responsive human beings, we have the capacity to change, right now! It’s as simple as allowing yourself to accept what is and break the chain of resistance that creates the pressure cooker of life. In that moment of acceptance, peace will propel you to joyfully create what will be.
For it is likely that if the chocolate man did appear, even for just one night, you’d be too tired to gain any satisfaction. It doesn’t have to be a joke nor a dream. Make your satisfaction the real deal.
It speaks of three of our favourite things; men, chocolate and money. Now, we can safely say that at least two of the topics will consume some part of our thinking during any given week. Suffice to say that the delicious high that makes chocolate so irresistible is probably what makes men and money equally desirable.
If none of the three appeal to you, well, you’re a rare woman! If you find all three are an enticing combination then maybe the email would tickle your fancy. So what did it say?
Truly satisfied
These words were pasted against a rich chocolaty brown background framed to look like a sign that might hang on the back of a public washroom stall door. It said: ‘No woman will ever be truly satisfied because, no man will ever have a chocolate penis that ejaculates money’.
Well, if you, like me had to take a second take then walk with me further. Once we get past the hilarity of the image conjured up in this potent sentence does it strike a deeper chord?
If you had a direct request line to your creator at the genesis when he was creating man would you have dared to request such an intoxicating package in your perfect man?
So why is the e-mail joke is bouncing back and forth across the world in such mirth? Let’s be truthful with one another; whether we package ourselves as demure, vivacious, powerhouse, party-girl or earth-mama or a fiery combination of them all, we all like a little sweetness, pampering, comfort, luxury, good loving and well, I could go on…..
Deep seated desire
Does the joke speak to deep seated desires that we probably feel is too much to ask of ourselves (forget anyone else!) on a sustained basis? A desire to be truly satisfied with where we are with what we’ve got, right now?
The question of satisfaction and whether we’re ever able to get to a space where we’re truly satisfied with any sphere of our lives is a vexed question. For it seems we intentionally embark on never ending mountain hikes, trying to improve, make it better, trying to get there.
Consider why it is that once we accomplish our vision, we duly congratulate ourselves but the satisfaction we imagined is fleeting. So, in no time at all, we charge up our inner resolve and quickly vision another mountain peak to climb. So, most of the time, we’re exhausted, fatigued by the stress and pressure we’ve created for ourselves.
Capacity for change
As creative, reflective and responsive human beings, we have the capacity to change, right now! It’s as simple as allowing yourself to accept what is and break the chain of resistance that creates the pressure cooker of life. In that moment of acceptance, peace will propel you to joyfully create what will be.
For it is likely that if the chocolate man did appear, even for just one night, you’d be too tired to gain any satisfaction. It doesn’t have to be a joke nor a dream. Make your satisfaction the real deal.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Re-engineering the brand ‘good man’
Imagine if you could re-write the story of creation? What would you change about the formation of man, our esteemed and beloved soul mate? Close your eyes and imagine we are in the garden, but this time, our creator made you, the woman first and then asked you “so, what kind of companion would you like to have?” How would you fashion him?
A similar question was the subject matter of an email joke doing the rounds recently. However, in that story, God created woman first and (as the joke goes) found a good-for-nothing previously discarded item to make man. Apparently, it sparked much mirth but also left twinges of deep pain.
Why would we laugh at effacing jokes about our significant others? Why would we choose to play an active role in dehumanising and belittling those who we claim to want the best of? Given the current status of man/woman relations, it is far from a laughing matter.
Truth is, we hear it everyday, on both sides of the Atlantic and all the stops in between! Less than loving descriptions of our existing and potential soul mates from light hearted jokes to persistent diatribes between us and our long-suffering sisters. All lamenting about how ‘there are no good black men out there’. I sense an element of a self-fulfilling prophecy at play.
I wonder how our children are processing such negativity heard as a constant background track in our homes. Just what kind of brand called man are we creating in their minds?
In the build up to South African women’s month which kicks off this week, I happened upon a talk radio show and heard a concerned man emotionally describe the state of bewilderment he believes men are in.
He admitted that he and other men he knew were mightily confused about what the notion of a ‘good’ man was. He suggested its time men took the situation in their own hands and began to re-brand themselves as clearly, they are being misrepresented.
Re-engineering a brand called good men, what a thought! Any takers? Successful brands clearly present their core truths exemplified through their attributes (values and virtues). So, brothers, in considering the offer to re-brand yourselves, know we (your consumers) are keen to connect with your core truth – your hearts.
Sisters, maybe we should also consider re-engineering our brand? In the quest for a good man, have you defined your value proposition?
Through out the following weeks as we are mindful celebrating emancipation and Jamaica’s independence and Women’s Month in South Africa, let us free ourselves from the ‘no-good men out there’ mindset and joyfully usher in heart-centered, soul boosting visions of the men we intend for ourselves and the women we intend to be.
A similar question was the subject matter of an email joke doing the rounds recently. However, in that story, God created woman first and (as the joke goes) found a good-for-nothing previously discarded item to make man. Apparently, it sparked much mirth but also left twinges of deep pain.
Why would we laugh at effacing jokes about our significant others? Why would we choose to play an active role in dehumanising and belittling those who we claim to want the best of? Given the current status of man/woman relations, it is far from a laughing matter.
Truth is, we hear it everyday, on both sides of the Atlantic and all the stops in between! Less than loving descriptions of our existing and potential soul mates from light hearted jokes to persistent diatribes between us and our long-suffering sisters. All lamenting about how ‘there are no good black men out there’. I sense an element of a self-fulfilling prophecy at play.
I wonder how our children are processing such negativity heard as a constant background track in our homes. Just what kind of brand called man are we creating in their minds?
In the build up to South African women’s month which kicks off this week, I happened upon a talk radio show and heard a concerned man emotionally describe the state of bewilderment he believes men are in.
He admitted that he and other men he knew were mightily confused about what the notion of a ‘good’ man was. He suggested its time men took the situation in their own hands and began to re-brand themselves as clearly, they are being misrepresented.
Re-engineering a brand called good men, what a thought! Any takers? Successful brands clearly present their core truths exemplified through their attributes (values and virtues). So, brothers, in considering the offer to re-brand yourselves, know we (your consumers) are keen to connect with your core truth – your hearts.
Sisters, maybe we should also consider re-engineering our brand? In the quest for a good man, have you defined your value proposition?
Through out the following weeks as we are mindful celebrating emancipation and Jamaica’s independence and Women’s Month in South Africa, let us free ourselves from the ‘no-good men out there’ mindset and joyfully usher in heart-centered, soul boosting visions of the men we intend for ourselves and the women we intend to be.
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