December is a fabulous time to be in South Africa. Popularly called the festive season, there are some interesting traditions around. It’s the height of summer and the rainy season when on most days the intense heat is punctured by beautiful thunderstorms.
It’s also the season when people take a full month off and go home, out of the cities, to spend time with their loved ones. So, in December, Urban spaces, usually bustling with activity, become tranquil havens of clear roads, no queues and basking weather. This welcome lull comes after the frenzied spending sprees of everything from trinkets to groceries for the families ‘back home’.
As in many other countries, December is the time for giving whether you are celebrating Christmas or not. Gifts come in all shapes and sizes, be they shop-bought gifts or heart-made gifts.
Joy
Gifts bring joy! You see it on people’s faces –they are more expansive, smile more and you can literally feel the heart-swell of loving energy. It’s a beautiful experience which demonstrates the universal principle of giving and receiving. Through giving, we are all elevated to a higher sense of joy and happiness. The energy is palpable. It’s a shame we’re not able to share the lurve on a sustained basis.
It’s no secret that gift-givers are feeling the pinch more than ever this year. The plastic is not so flexible anymore and cash is in short supply. So, inevitably, we are forced to make choices. Buy less and give less? How so? Surely there’s a way we can buy less and give more?
The Jamaican community living in Johannesburg have decided to gather together on Boxing Day (26 December) and give heart-gifts of love to children in a shelter. Remembering that it takes a community to raise a child, the gesture highlights the plight of children whose parents are not there to give them life’s heart-gifts.
On considering gifts and all things material, how is it that so many fall unwittingly, into the trap of buying gifts to make themselves and the receivers happy? Will the credit crunch leave you feeling empty or unfulfilled because you weren’t able to buy what you’d hoped to give?
Love Gifts
It’s like eating chocolate – giving gifts lifts you to a temporary happy high. For many, not being able to give gifts is akin to sucking lemons. Why so? What happened to your love gifts? What is the greatest gift parents can give to their children? We’ve heard the answer love. Yes, but let’s scratch beneath the surface love of, love to, love for; all of the above?
Surely, the greatest gift from parent to child is a sense of purpose through service? By using our special gifts, we are able to give endlessly to the world by actively defining our life purpose. Let’s not wait till life begins at 40 to claim this gift! Package it, wrap it and unwrap it with your children. The more you give, the bigger it becomes, truly, the greatest gift of all.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
Yes we can!
How often have you heard parents lamenting the fact that their children have gone off track or that they are wondering aimlessly through life with little sense of ambition?
Frustrated parents of those children who have dared to go against the grain and eek out a unique space in the world often also harbour a sense of failure in not having accomplished their vision for their child.
Recall the words penned by the much feted Lebanese poet, Khalil Gibran, in his seminal work, The Prophet, first published in 1924.
He wrote: ‘Your children are not your children. They are the sons and the daughters of life’s longing for itself. They come through you but they are not from you and though they are with you, they belong not to you’.
Angst
The angst is understandable; it’s only natural that we would want the best for our children but maybe we set ourselves up for disappointment by typecasting our children’s lives from the minute they are old enough to recite the alphabet?
What ever religious doctrine you may subscribe to, the source books all speak of a parent’s responsibility to shepherd our children through life. So, it is widely accepted that a parents role is to love, guide and protect their offspring.
So, relentless efforts to instil strong moral fibre, a robust work ethic and a sense of community register as a good success rating in the parenting realm. However, if, as Gibran states, our children represent ‘life’s longing for itself’ then where do you draw the line? Who holds the destiny chalk, you or your children?
Gibran went on further to say: ‘you may give them […children] your love but not your thoughts. For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls for their souls dwell in a place of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams’.
Fittingly, these words, when set against the gloomy backdrop of current global financial crises, serve as an invitation for us to review our perspectives of parenthood. Gibran’s tomorrow is now!
Wayward
Speak to the ‘wayward’ children; those who respond to ‘life’s longing for itself’ and you will hear stories of a journey deep with conflict as they wield a double-edged sword of respect for their parent’s desires countered against their soul’s yearnings.
This leaves many tossing out passion in search of steady incomes no matter how soul destroying the career. Those brave enough to stick their neck out are often confused as they navigate through feelings of betrayal to the parental vision to pure joy as they touch their dream.
Is there room for a happy medium? Parenting styles that seek to nurture the soul vision while building the foundation blocks of ambition, drive and passion? We better get ready to find it, because today our children say, yes we can!
Frustrated parents of those children who have dared to go against the grain and eek out a unique space in the world often also harbour a sense of failure in not having accomplished their vision for their child.
Recall the words penned by the much feted Lebanese poet, Khalil Gibran, in his seminal work, The Prophet, first published in 1924.
He wrote: ‘Your children are not your children. They are the sons and the daughters of life’s longing for itself. They come through you but they are not from you and though they are with you, they belong not to you’.
Angst
The angst is understandable; it’s only natural that we would want the best for our children but maybe we set ourselves up for disappointment by typecasting our children’s lives from the minute they are old enough to recite the alphabet?
What ever religious doctrine you may subscribe to, the source books all speak of a parent’s responsibility to shepherd our children through life. So, it is widely accepted that a parents role is to love, guide and protect their offspring.
So, relentless efforts to instil strong moral fibre, a robust work ethic and a sense of community register as a good success rating in the parenting realm. However, if, as Gibran states, our children represent ‘life’s longing for itself’ then where do you draw the line? Who holds the destiny chalk, you or your children?
Gibran went on further to say: ‘you may give them […children] your love but not your thoughts. For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls for their souls dwell in a place of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams’.
Fittingly, these words, when set against the gloomy backdrop of current global financial crises, serve as an invitation for us to review our perspectives of parenthood. Gibran’s tomorrow is now!
Wayward
Speak to the ‘wayward’ children; those who respond to ‘life’s longing for itself’ and you will hear stories of a journey deep with conflict as they wield a double-edged sword of respect for their parent’s desires countered against their soul’s yearnings.
This leaves many tossing out passion in search of steady incomes no matter how soul destroying the career. Those brave enough to stick their neck out are often confused as they navigate through feelings of betrayal to the parental vision to pure joy as they touch their dream.
Is there room for a happy medium? Parenting styles that seek to nurture the soul vision while building the foundation blocks of ambition, drive and passion? We better get ready to find it, because today our children say, yes we can!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Cultured Sex Talk
It seems sex education in our homes is still a touchy subject. Even against the backdrop of the ravages of HIV/AIDS, nurturing healthy attitudes around sexuality in our children remains a culturally sensitive minefield.
Globally connected, yet rooted in our heritage, issues of sex and sexuality in our families are taking centre stage in our world – like it or not.
As the world reflects on the impact of HIV/AIDS, celebrates successes and shares ideas about how do deal with the evolving challenges of the pandemic, young people are seen as the key driver in turning the tide of HIV infection rates, through attitudinal and behaviour change. How? - By taking personal responsibility for their lives and by being in the know. Information, education and dialogue are the fundamentals.
Touchy subject
So, where did you learn about sex? Who helped you navigate through the confusing maze of puberty as you discovered your body through tingly feelings and strange body odours? In some families, discussions about sex and sexuality are, even today, a no-go area.
Some claim it’s a cultural issue saying we, (read: Africans on the continent and in the Diaspora), do not believe it’s appropriate to dialogue with our children about the fuzzy details of sex and their bodies. Still, we agree on the importance of instilling moral values of chastity, abstention from sex before marriage and self-respect.
How so? Is it possible to paint the rose without allowing our children to smell it?
Side Stepping
Are we using culture as an excuse to side-step the ever more complex responsibilities we have as parents?
While we’re nurturing values and ideologies through our cultural mores what is holding us back from collectively devising approaches to bridge the dialogue gap between us, the way our parents taught us and the new generation?
Young people are gasping for information. No matter the geographical location, young people across the world are part of a global youth culture. In a technologically advancing world, access to sex in all its forms is a click away on a cell-phone or a computer.
From Rianna’s sensuous hip-rolls and 50 Cent’s ménage-a-trois video scenes to the pastor’s Sunday morning sermon about the virtues of abstinence; youth are hit by conflicting messages of sex and sexuality from all sides. The very cultural icons they adore threaten to erode the roots we, as parents, strive to plant in the home.
Let’s face it; even our homes are not what they were. For many caught up in the frenetic activity of life, the idea of a Sunday dinner with the family has become a luxury – but that’s for another day!
The statistics speak for themselves. With one in three people HIV positive in some regions of South Africa, sex education in the home and the community is at the sharp end of the wedge in HIV/AIDS management.
The call is to stretch our parenting role from technical ‘birds and the bees’ information to developing a cachet of life-skills that will empower our children to confidently navigate through the barrage of sex (mis)information. For it is skills of negotiation, listening and assertiveness that will enable them to make informed choices when faced with making a decision that could irrevocably change the course of their lives.
Our culture doesn’t allow us to talk openly to our children? Enough said.
Globally connected, yet rooted in our heritage, issues of sex and sexuality in our families are taking centre stage in our world – like it or not.
As the world reflects on the impact of HIV/AIDS, celebrates successes and shares ideas about how do deal with the evolving challenges of the pandemic, young people are seen as the key driver in turning the tide of HIV infection rates, through attitudinal and behaviour change. How? - By taking personal responsibility for their lives and by being in the know. Information, education and dialogue are the fundamentals.
Touchy subject
So, where did you learn about sex? Who helped you navigate through the confusing maze of puberty as you discovered your body through tingly feelings and strange body odours? In some families, discussions about sex and sexuality are, even today, a no-go area.
Some claim it’s a cultural issue saying we, (read: Africans on the continent and in the Diaspora), do not believe it’s appropriate to dialogue with our children about the fuzzy details of sex and their bodies. Still, we agree on the importance of instilling moral values of chastity, abstention from sex before marriage and self-respect.
How so? Is it possible to paint the rose without allowing our children to smell it?
Side Stepping
Are we using culture as an excuse to side-step the ever more complex responsibilities we have as parents?
While we’re nurturing values and ideologies through our cultural mores what is holding us back from collectively devising approaches to bridge the dialogue gap between us, the way our parents taught us and the new generation?
Young people are gasping for information. No matter the geographical location, young people across the world are part of a global youth culture. In a technologically advancing world, access to sex in all its forms is a click away on a cell-phone or a computer.
From Rianna’s sensuous hip-rolls and 50 Cent’s ménage-a-trois video scenes to the pastor’s Sunday morning sermon about the virtues of abstinence; youth are hit by conflicting messages of sex and sexuality from all sides. The very cultural icons they adore threaten to erode the roots we, as parents, strive to plant in the home.
Let’s face it; even our homes are not what they were. For many caught up in the frenetic activity of life, the idea of a Sunday dinner with the family has become a luxury – but that’s for another day!
The statistics speak for themselves. With one in three people HIV positive in some regions of South Africa, sex education in the home and the community is at the sharp end of the wedge in HIV/AIDS management.
The call is to stretch our parenting role from technical ‘birds and the bees’ information to developing a cachet of life-skills that will empower our children to confidently navigate through the barrage of sex (mis)information. For it is skills of negotiation, listening and assertiveness that will enable them to make informed choices when faced with making a decision that could irrevocably change the course of their lives.
Our culture doesn’t allow us to talk openly to our children? Enough said.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Teach your children well
During a recent gathering, a number of 30 something Diaspora women lamented about how disciplining their children today is a more difficult job than in their parent’s day. Apparently, children then were much more ‘compliant’ and understood that whether it was the belt, slipper, switch or love-stick that punishment meted out was in their best interests and certainly not up for discussion.
Fast forward to current day and we as mothers and our offspring, have evolved to a space where we question whether our parent’s tough love approaches designed to keep the children on the straight and narrow are exactly that – too narrow? Would you call it evolution or quiet terror as the goal posts move have we lost our footing in a world where discipline is regulated by government authorities and the sharp end of child-rearing has become a much publicised human rights issue?
Disciplinary Methods
Sade, a London-based Nigerian sista believes the disciplinary methods her parents used have stood her in good stead. As far as she is concerned, their early versions of ‘time-out’ where she was told to kneel in a corner, hands on head till her arms ached while she ‘came to her senses’ worked wonders. She emphatically assured us that such methods work equally well on her children today.
Some sistas agreed, some didn’t – so, were we, as children, really more compliant? Truth is, it’s a new day! Three decades ago, both parents and children were insulated from new fangled child-rearing ideas and sometimes misappropriated rights driven by media pop culture.
Our parents and their parents shaped their cultures of discipline, child rearing and community building on long-held notions of values systems informed by history.
Jamaican Discipline
Nadia, a Jamaican 60-something mother of three shed some light on issues of discipline back in the day. She recalled how she shudders when she thinks of the ‘mistakes’ she made as she was bringing up her children in the USA during the sixties, seventies and eighties.
A gentle and sensitive soul, she had been brought up in a God-fearing, tough love regime where hard work and stern discipline were the order of the day. The oldest of nine children, she remembers her father as playful but firm and her mother as the strict no-nonsense disciplinarian.
Nadia told of how the daily trek to fetch water before school may today look like child-abuse, but how she and her siblings enjoyed the responsibilities given to them at a tender age. They may have had less idle play time than children of today but they made the most of the time they had together and made fun out of the chores.
Licks
The much feared belt reared its head often and in hindsight she agreed that the thought of the belt was probably much worse than the few occasions when she actually felt the lick of leather on her skin.
Such experiences, she says, have undoubtedly shaped her resilient yet temperate personality today. Her husband, a Trinidadian retiree, also came from a similar disciplinarian regime. So, together, they had no qualms in following similar approaches in their child-rearing years.
Nadia’s describes her ‘mistakes’ as the dilemma she and husband faced as they wavered between the zero tolerance approach they grew up with and the experimental free expression of Montessori and others.
In reflection she cautioned the mothers at the gathering of the increasing need to clearly reframe approaches to discipline which do not annihilate our sense of being, our culture; while also being courageous enough to slaughter holy cows if deemed necessary.
In distilling the task of parenting clearly, we seek to do what our parents also sought to do – to teach our children well.
Fast forward to current day and we as mothers and our offspring, have evolved to a space where we question whether our parent’s tough love approaches designed to keep the children on the straight and narrow are exactly that – too narrow? Would you call it evolution or quiet terror as the goal posts move have we lost our footing in a world where discipline is regulated by government authorities and the sharp end of child-rearing has become a much publicised human rights issue?
Disciplinary Methods
Sade, a London-based Nigerian sista believes the disciplinary methods her parents used have stood her in good stead. As far as she is concerned, their early versions of ‘time-out’ where she was told to kneel in a corner, hands on head till her arms ached while she ‘came to her senses’ worked wonders. She emphatically assured us that such methods work equally well on her children today.
Some sistas agreed, some didn’t – so, were we, as children, really more compliant? Truth is, it’s a new day! Three decades ago, both parents and children were insulated from new fangled child-rearing ideas and sometimes misappropriated rights driven by media pop culture.
Our parents and their parents shaped their cultures of discipline, child rearing and community building on long-held notions of values systems informed by history.
Jamaican Discipline
Nadia, a Jamaican 60-something mother of three shed some light on issues of discipline back in the day. She recalled how she shudders when she thinks of the ‘mistakes’ she made as she was bringing up her children in the USA during the sixties, seventies and eighties.
A gentle and sensitive soul, she had been brought up in a God-fearing, tough love regime where hard work and stern discipline were the order of the day. The oldest of nine children, she remembers her father as playful but firm and her mother as the strict no-nonsense disciplinarian.
Nadia told of how the daily trek to fetch water before school may today look like child-abuse, but how she and her siblings enjoyed the responsibilities given to them at a tender age. They may have had less idle play time than children of today but they made the most of the time they had together and made fun out of the chores.
Licks
The much feared belt reared its head often and in hindsight she agreed that the thought of the belt was probably much worse than the few occasions when she actually felt the lick of leather on her skin.
Such experiences, she says, have undoubtedly shaped her resilient yet temperate personality today. Her husband, a Trinidadian retiree, also came from a similar disciplinarian regime. So, together, they had no qualms in following similar approaches in their child-rearing years.
Nadia’s describes her ‘mistakes’ as the dilemma she and husband faced as they wavered between the zero tolerance approach they grew up with and the experimental free expression of Montessori and others.
In reflection she cautioned the mothers at the gathering of the increasing need to clearly reframe approaches to discipline which do not annihilate our sense of being, our culture; while also being courageous enough to slaughter holy cows if deemed necessary.
In distilling the task of parenting clearly, we seek to do what our parents also sought to do – to teach our children well.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Mama Africa Miriam Makeba
In Loving Service
"Some people call me 'Mama Africa'. At first I said to myself: why do they want to give me that responsibility, carrying a whole continent? Then I understood that they did so affectionately. So I accepted. I am Mama Africa", said Miriam Makeba in an interview in 2005.
When news of 'Mama Africa's' passing hit us last Monday, the world was reminded of the mantle that she humbly carried to the end. Poignantly, Mama Miriam had just finished performing at a human rights protest concert in Italy before she collapsed and later died.
Moving Tributes
On reading the numerous obituaries, and hearing moving tributes of special memories left with those who were close to her, it is clear; Mama Africa's love for humanity and dedication to her life's purpose never wavered. Hers was a gracious walk along a path which called for much personal sacrifice and for the deliberate use of her colossal singing talent, to illuminate human rights inequalities around the world and specifically to the land of her birth, South Africa.
Her generosity of spirit was legendary. While living in exile in various countries around the world, Mama Miriam provided a home of warm solace for fellow musicians and freedom fighters. An open-door policy at home meant pots were always on the boil and her kitchen fed many on not only good food, but spiritual sustenance.
Mama Miriam's love-centred approach in her relentless fight against injustice touched people's hearts at home, onstage and in political circles.
She chalked up an array of notable accolades and awards in recognition of her work. Mama Miriam's clarity in her sense of purpose had been honed from a tender age.
Her matriarchal legacy serves as an inspiring reminder for us to take a closer look at our personal commitment to service. Whether Mama Miriam was offering a plate of heart-warming food or heart-rending insights into the tribulations of apartheid, her gifts were offered to the world.
In this age of rampant consumerism, the focus on individual gratification (no matter how fleeting) is eroding our sense of community and dedication to serving our fellow brothers and sisters.
Values of respect
It's never too early to start! As mothers, biological or otherwise, we strive to nurture values of respect, compassion and love for others in our children. It would seem that in a world where 'what's in it for me' is rapidly dimming our commitment to service, the sooner we orient ourselves in 'how can I help' mode, the closer we'll come to achieving fulfilment and advancing humanity.
May you rest in peace Mama Miriam and your life's work lives on as a beacon of inspiration for us all.
"Some people call me 'Mama Africa'. At first I said to myself: why do they want to give me that responsibility, carrying a whole continent? Then I understood that they did so affectionately. So I accepted. I am Mama Africa", said Miriam Makeba in an interview in 2005.
When news of 'Mama Africa's' passing hit us last Monday, the world was reminded of the mantle that she humbly carried to the end. Poignantly, Mama Miriam had just finished performing at a human rights protest concert in Italy before she collapsed and later died.
Moving Tributes
On reading the numerous obituaries, and hearing moving tributes of special memories left with those who were close to her, it is clear; Mama Africa's love for humanity and dedication to her life's purpose never wavered. Hers was a gracious walk along a path which called for much personal sacrifice and for the deliberate use of her colossal singing talent, to illuminate human rights inequalities around the world and specifically to the land of her birth, South Africa.
Her generosity of spirit was legendary. While living in exile in various countries around the world, Mama Miriam provided a home of warm solace for fellow musicians and freedom fighters. An open-door policy at home meant pots were always on the boil and her kitchen fed many on not only good food, but spiritual sustenance.
Mama Miriam's love-centred approach in her relentless fight against injustice touched people's hearts at home, onstage and in political circles.
She chalked up an array of notable accolades and awards in recognition of her work. Mama Miriam's clarity in her sense of purpose had been honed from a tender age.
Her matriarchal legacy serves as an inspiring reminder for us to take a closer look at our personal commitment to service. Whether Mama Miriam was offering a plate of heart-warming food or heart-rending insights into the tribulations of apartheid, her gifts were offered to the world.
In this age of rampant consumerism, the focus on individual gratification (no matter how fleeting) is eroding our sense of community and dedication to serving our fellow brothers and sisters.
Values of respect
It's never too early to start! As mothers, biological or otherwise, we strive to nurture values of respect, compassion and love for others in our children. It would seem that in a world where 'what's in it for me' is rapidly dimming our commitment to service, the sooner we orient ourselves in 'how can I help' mode, the closer we'll come to achieving fulfilment and advancing humanity.
May you rest in peace Mama Miriam and your life's work lives on as a beacon of inspiration for us all.
Friday, November 14, 2008
In search of perfection
When President Elect, Barack Obama stood victorious, delivering his acceptance speech, he thanked his entourage and the most important people in his life for their support. His face glowed as he spoke of his wife of 16 years, as his best friend and partner.
Now best friends come and go, and with statistics in South Africa revealing that one in two marriages ends in divorce, it seems marriages are becoming disposable baggage too. It begs the question, what is it that keeps the love fire burning?
Sisters around the globe complain at the seemingly impossible task of finding the perfect man! We become more bewildered as we stumble from one failed relationship to the other. Have we lost sight of what it is we’re looking for in Mr. Right? Who sold us the mirage of the perfect other? Did you buy into the dream?
We’ve seen and heard it all too many times before. The packaging looks good but before you know it, life on the inside is not feeling so sweet. From emotional ice-blocks to serial philanderers, the stories are woeful. They leave us with a gaping hole of hurt that festers if left unattended, transmuting into fibroids and other feminine dis-ease.
It would seem many have chosen to accept that there is no such thing as Mr. Right. Get real they say, man is man, they’re all the same! In allowing such possibilities to be reality we self-sabotage our own desires, opting, disillusioned for stagnant unfulfilling unions.
We’ve lost sight of what we’re looking for because we’re looking in the wrong place. Furthermore, wounded and defensive, we often place responsibility for our happiness in the hands of our unsuspecting and yes, sometimes ill-equipped mates.
So, is there hope for those who are not prepared to wallow in relationship mediocrity? Most definitely! Our creator fashioned us for a mate and so, in optimistic spirit, we relentlessly seek that perfect relationship. It is possible!
Seems to me, it’s high time we evolve our skills set, re-set our perfection perspectives and re-orient ourselves to an internal focus. It really is all about us!
We’ve spent centuries honing nurturing skills and cultivating Amazonian stamina for whatever life throws at us. The current world order calls for a similar bouquet of skills, but packaged differently.
In terms of our partners, we struggle to sift through conflicting images of who and what we are meant to be as modern women. So, when our relationships unravel, in desperation we misdirect our energy by focussing on the ‘coulda, woulda, shoulda’ drama. With emotion blurring our vision, it’s difficult to introspect but that is exactly what’s called for on a regular basis whether its sunshine or rain.
The answer to our search for perfection in others lies within us, not in our loved ones. Can you truly say you invest as much time and energy in giving to yourself as you do for others around you. Part of your evolved skills cachet includes the ability to create ‘love me’ time and space in your life without apology knowing that it is in loving you that you perfect the art of loving others.
Now best friends come and go, and with statistics in South Africa revealing that one in two marriages ends in divorce, it seems marriages are becoming disposable baggage too. It begs the question, what is it that keeps the love fire burning?
Sisters around the globe complain at the seemingly impossible task of finding the perfect man! We become more bewildered as we stumble from one failed relationship to the other. Have we lost sight of what it is we’re looking for in Mr. Right? Who sold us the mirage of the perfect other? Did you buy into the dream?
We’ve seen and heard it all too many times before. The packaging looks good but before you know it, life on the inside is not feeling so sweet. From emotional ice-blocks to serial philanderers, the stories are woeful. They leave us with a gaping hole of hurt that festers if left unattended, transmuting into fibroids and other feminine dis-ease.
It would seem many have chosen to accept that there is no such thing as Mr. Right. Get real they say, man is man, they’re all the same! In allowing such possibilities to be reality we self-sabotage our own desires, opting, disillusioned for stagnant unfulfilling unions.
We’ve lost sight of what we’re looking for because we’re looking in the wrong place. Furthermore, wounded and defensive, we often place responsibility for our happiness in the hands of our unsuspecting and yes, sometimes ill-equipped mates.
So, is there hope for those who are not prepared to wallow in relationship mediocrity? Most definitely! Our creator fashioned us for a mate and so, in optimistic spirit, we relentlessly seek that perfect relationship. It is possible!
Seems to me, it’s high time we evolve our skills set, re-set our perfection perspectives and re-orient ourselves to an internal focus. It really is all about us!
We’ve spent centuries honing nurturing skills and cultivating Amazonian stamina for whatever life throws at us. The current world order calls for a similar bouquet of skills, but packaged differently.
In terms of our partners, we struggle to sift through conflicting images of who and what we are meant to be as modern women. So, when our relationships unravel, in desperation we misdirect our energy by focussing on the ‘coulda, woulda, shoulda’ drama. With emotion blurring our vision, it’s difficult to introspect but that is exactly what’s called for on a regular basis whether its sunshine or rain.
The answer to our search for perfection in others lies within us, not in our loved ones. Can you truly say you invest as much time and energy in giving to yourself as you do for others around you. Part of your evolved skills cachet includes the ability to create ‘love me’ time and space in your life without apology knowing that it is in loving you that you perfect the art of loving others.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Rising in love
Picture the scene: you and your chocolate dream meet, date and now enjoy significant other status. Then, there are children in the picture and soon, life has become a busy schedule punctuated by joy and ecstasy, heartache and pain and all the consolation bits in-between. Falling in love was fabulous and now this part?
Twelve months of happiness
Relationship psychologists report that the bliss of the honeymoon phase will last for a maximum of 12 months. So, according to them, like the addict’s first high, we spend the rest of our lives striving to recapture those times. Those days when nothing could dim the euphoric of love-rays which lifted us, soaring, to cloud 9.
Of course we experience moments where we skydance in happiness; the birth of a new born baby, the graduation, the joy of a birthday surprise, the warm fuzzy feeling of living and growing as a family.
Wouldn’t we be short-changing ourselves if we brought into the one year scenario? Surely, our creator would not limit our capacity give and receive such beautiful gifts to each other to only 12 months? That said, we don’t have to look too far to see couples weighed down with responsibilities and emotional baggage. To the extent, they hardly communicate and live as strangers who share the same bed every night. So, how do we recapture those heady days? Is it possible to experience rapture on a constant basis?
Rising in love
Blissful living is in closer reach than we may imagine. It starts with our love anchors – our love orientation. I’ve often heard my beloved matriarch say that couples should focus on rising as opposed to falling in love. She teaches that by simply replacing falling to rising in love, we zone into a rapturous paradigm of thinking, doing and being with our loved ones.
According to her diverse wisdom, we get carried away in the thrill of early romance and literally do as the blockbuster movies teach us – fall in love. While falling we lose our grip of reality and begin to make completely irrational decisions based on illusions of fiery lust driven connectivity.
Taking time to work out whether this partner is an asset that will grow your family investment portfolio is the discussion to be having. Checking whether his finely toned body will make for handsome children is, of course, also a consideration but before all of that know where your love ship is anchored.
Is your love-vision set on a path that can articulate what a true partnership looks and feels like? One that values giving and receiving as opposed to giving and taking? Are you ready to be what it is you want to see, to give and allow yourself to receive? In exploring these questions the answers will reveal joyful dreams, spread out as wings as we rise in love.
Twelve months of happiness
Relationship psychologists report that the bliss of the honeymoon phase will last for a maximum of 12 months. So, according to them, like the addict’s first high, we spend the rest of our lives striving to recapture those times. Those days when nothing could dim the euphoric of love-rays which lifted us, soaring, to cloud 9.
Of course we experience moments where we skydance in happiness; the birth of a new born baby, the graduation, the joy of a birthday surprise, the warm fuzzy feeling of living and growing as a family.
Wouldn’t we be short-changing ourselves if we brought into the one year scenario? Surely, our creator would not limit our capacity give and receive such beautiful gifts to each other to only 12 months? That said, we don’t have to look too far to see couples weighed down with responsibilities and emotional baggage. To the extent, they hardly communicate and live as strangers who share the same bed every night. So, how do we recapture those heady days? Is it possible to experience rapture on a constant basis?
Rising in love
Blissful living is in closer reach than we may imagine. It starts with our love anchors – our love orientation. I’ve often heard my beloved matriarch say that couples should focus on rising as opposed to falling in love. She teaches that by simply replacing falling to rising in love, we zone into a rapturous paradigm of thinking, doing and being with our loved ones.
According to her diverse wisdom, we get carried away in the thrill of early romance and literally do as the blockbuster movies teach us – fall in love. While falling we lose our grip of reality and begin to make completely irrational decisions based on illusions of fiery lust driven connectivity.
Taking time to work out whether this partner is an asset that will grow your family investment portfolio is the discussion to be having. Checking whether his finely toned body will make for handsome children is, of course, also a consideration but before all of that know where your love ship is anchored.
Is your love-vision set on a path that can articulate what a true partnership looks and feels like? One that values giving and receiving as opposed to giving and taking? Are you ready to be what it is you want to see, to give and allow yourself to receive? In exploring these questions the answers will reveal joyful dreams, spread out as wings as we rise in love.
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