During a recent gathering, a number of 30 something Diaspora women lamented about how disciplining their children today is a more difficult job than in their parent’s day. Apparently, children then were much more ‘compliant’ and understood that whether it was the belt, slipper, switch or love-stick that punishment meted out was in their best interests and certainly not up for discussion.
Fast forward to current day and we as mothers and our offspring, have evolved to a space where we question whether our parent’s tough love approaches designed to keep the children on the straight and narrow are exactly that – too narrow? Would you call it evolution or quiet terror as the goal posts move have we lost our footing in a world where discipline is regulated by government authorities and the sharp end of child-rearing has become a much publicised human rights issue?
Disciplinary Methods
Sade, a London-based Nigerian sista believes the disciplinary methods her parents used have stood her in good stead. As far as she is concerned, their early versions of ‘time-out’ where she was told to kneel in a corner, hands on head till her arms ached while she ‘came to her senses’ worked wonders. She emphatically assured us that such methods work equally well on her children today.
Some sistas agreed, some didn’t – so, were we, as children, really more compliant? Truth is, it’s a new day! Three decades ago, both parents and children were insulated from new fangled child-rearing ideas and sometimes misappropriated rights driven by media pop culture.
Our parents and their parents shaped their cultures of discipline, child rearing and community building on long-held notions of values systems informed by history.
Jamaican Discipline
Nadia, a Jamaican 60-something mother of three shed some light on issues of discipline back in the day. She recalled how she shudders when she thinks of the ‘mistakes’ she made as she was bringing up her children in the USA during the sixties, seventies and eighties.
A gentle and sensitive soul, she had been brought up in a God-fearing, tough love regime where hard work and stern discipline were the order of the day. The oldest of nine children, she remembers her father as playful but firm and her mother as the strict no-nonsense disciplinarian.
Nadia told of how the daily trek to fetch water before school may today look like child-abuse, but how she and her siblings enjoyed the responsibilities given to them at a tender age. They may have had less idle play time than children of today but they made the most of the time they had together and made fun out of the chores.
Licks
The much feared belt reared its head often and in hindsight she agreed that the thought of the belt was probably much worse than the few occasions when she actually felt the lick of leather on her skin.
Such experiences, she says, have undoubtedly shaped her resilient yet temperate personality today. Her husband, a Trinidadian retiree, also came from a similar disciplinarian regime. So, together, they had no qualms in following similar approaches in their child-rearing years.
Nadia’s describes her ‘mistakes’ as the dilemma she and husband faced as they wavered between the zero tolerance approach they grew up with and the experimental free expression of Montessori and others.
In reflection she cautioned the mothers at the gathering of the increasing need to clearly reframe approaches to discipline which do not annihilate our sense of being, our culture; while also being courageous enough to slaughter holy cows if deemed necessary.
In distilling the task of parenting clearly, we seek to do what our parents also sought to do – to teach our children well.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Mama Africa Miriam Makeba
In Loving Service
"Some people call me 'Mama Africa'. At first I said to myself: why do they want to give me that responsibility, carrying a whole continent? Then I understood that they did so affectionately. So I accepted. I am Mama Africa", said Miriam Makeba in an interview in 2005.
When news of 'Mama Africa's' passing hit us last Monday, the world was reminded of the mantle that she humbly carried to the end. Poignantly, Mama Miriam had just finished performing at a human rights protest concert in Italy before she collapsed and later died.
Moving Tributes
On reading the numerous obituaries, and hearing moving tributes of special memories left with those who were close to her, it is clear; Mama Africa's love for humanity and dedication to her life's purpose never wavered. Hers was a gracious walk along a path which called for much personal sacrifice and for the deliberate use of her colossal singing talent, to illuminate human rights inequalities around the world and specifically to the land of her birth, South Africa.
Her generosity of spirit was legendary. While living in exile in various countries around the world, Mama Miriam provided a home of warm solace for fellow musicians and freedom fighters. An open-door policy at home meant pots were always on the boil and her kitchen fed many on not only good food, but spiritual sustenance.
Mama Miriam's love-centred approach in her relentless fight against injustice touched people's hearts at home, onstage and in political circles.
She chalked up an array of notable accolades and awards in recognition of her work. Mama Miriam's clarity in her sense of purpose had been honed from a tender age.
Her matriarchal legacy serves as an inspiring reminder for us to take a closer look at our personal commitment to service. Whether Mama Miriam was offering a plate of heart-warming food or heart-rending insights into the tribulations of apartheid, her gifts were offered to the world.
In this age of rampant consumerism, the focus on individual gratification (no matter how fleeting) is eroding our sense of community and dedication to serving our fellow brothers and sisters.
Values of respect
It's never too early to start! As mothers, biological or otherwise, we strive to nurture values of respect, compassion and love for others in our children. It would seem that in a world where 'what's in it for me' is rapidly dimming our commitment to service, the sooner we orient ourselves in 'how can I help' mode, the closer we'll come to achieving fulfilment and advancing humanity.
May you rest in peace Mama Miriam and your life's work lives on as a beacon of inspiration for us all.
"Some people call me 'Mama Africa'. At first I said to myself: why do they want to give me that responsibility, carrying a whole continent? Then I understood that they did so affectionately. So I accepted. I am Mama Africa", said Miriam Makeba in an interview in 2005.
When news of 'Mama Africa's' passing hit us last Monday, the world was reminded of the mantle that she humbly carried to the end. Poignantly, Mama Miriam had just finished performing at a human rights protest concert in Italy before she collapsed and later died.
Moving Tributes
On reading the numerous obituaries, and hearing moving tributes of special memories left with those who were close to her, it is clear; Mama Africa's love for humanity and dedication to her life's purpose never wavered. Hers was a gracious walk along a path which called for much personal sacrifice and for the deliberate use of her colossal singing talent, to illuminate human rights inequalities around the world and specifically to the land of her birth, South Africa.
Her generosity of spirit was legendary. While living in exile in various countries around the world, Mama Miriam provided a home of warm solace for fellow musicians and freedom fighters. An open-door policy at home meant pots were always on the boil and her kitchen fed many on not only good food, but spiritual sustenance.
Mama Miriam's love-centred approach in her relentless fight against injustice touched people's hearts at home, onstage and in political circles.
She chalked up an array of notable accolades and awards in recognition of her work. Mama Miriam's clarity in her sense of purpose had been honed from a tender age.
Her matriarchal legacy serves as an inspiring reminder for us to take a closer look at our personal commitment to service. Whether Mama Miriam was offering a plate of heart-warming food or heart-rending insights into the tribulations of apartheid, her gifts were offered to the world.
In this age of rampant consumerism, the focus on individual gratification (no matter how fleeting) is eroding our sense of community and dedication to serving our fellow brothers and sisters.
Values of respect
It's never too early to start! As mothers, biological or otherwise, we strive to nurture values of respect, compassion and love for others in our children. It would seem that in a world where 'what's in it for me' is rapidly dimming our commitment to service, the sooner we orient ourselves in 'how can I help' mode, the closer we'll come to achieving fulfilment and advancing humanity.
May you rest in peace Mama Miriam and your life's work lives on as a beacon of inspiration for us all.
Friday, November 14, 2008
In search of perfection
When President Elect, Barack Obama stood victorious, delivering his acceptance speech, he thanked his entourage and the most important people in his life for their support. His face glowed as he spoke of his wife of 16 years, as his best friend and partner.
Now best friends come and go, and with statistics in South Africa revealing that one in two marriages ends in divorce, it seems marriages are becoming disposable baggage too. It begs the question, what is it that keeps the love fire burning?
Sisters around the globe complain at the seemingly impossible task of finding the perfect man! We become more bewildered as we stumble from one failed relationship to the other. Have we lost sight of what it is we’re looking for in Mr. Right? Who sold us the mirage of the perfect other? Did you buy into the dream?
We’ve seen and heard it all too many times before. The packaging looks good but before you know it, life on the inside is not feeling so sweet. From emotional ice-blocks to serial philanderers, the stories are woeful. They leave us with a gaping hole of hurt that festers if left unattended, transmuting into fibroids and other feminine dis-ease.
It would seem many have chosen to accept that there is no such thing as Mr. Right. Get real they say, man is man, they’re all the same! In allowing such possibilities to be reality we self-sabotage our own desires, opting, disillusioned for stagnant unfulfilling unions.
We’ve lost sight of what we’re looking for because we’re looking in the wrong place. Furthermore, wounded and defensive, we often place responsibility for our happiness in the hands of our unsuspecting and yes, sometimes ill-equipped mates.
So, is there hope for those who are not prepared to wallow in relationship mediocrity? Most definitely! Our creator fashioned us for a mate and so, in optimistic spirit, we relentlessly seek that perfect relationship. It is possible!
Seems to me, it’s high time we evolve our skills set, re-set our perfection perspectives and re-orient ourselves to an internal focus. It really is all about us!
We’ve spent centuries honing nurturing skills and cultivating Amazonian stamina for whatever life throws at us. The current world order calls for a similar bouquet of skills, but packaged differently.
In terms of our partners, we struggle to sift through conflicting images of who and what we are meant to be as modern women. So, when our relationships unravel, in desperation we misdirect our energy by focussing on the ‘coulda, woulda, shoulda’ drama. With emotion blurring our vision, it’s difficult to introspect but that is exactly what’s called for on a regular basis whether its sunshine or rain.
The answer to our search for perfection in others lies within us, not in our loved ones. Can you truly say you invest as much time and energy in giving to yourself as you do for others around you. Part of your evolved skills cachet includes the ability to create ‘love me’ time and space in your life without apology knowing that it is in loving you that you perfect the art of loving others.
Now best friends come and go, and with statistics in South Africa revealing that one in two marriages ends in divorce, it seems marriages are becoming disposable baggage too. It begs the question, what is it that keeps the love fire burning?
Sisters around the globe complain at the seemingly impossible task of finding the perfect man! We become more bewildered as we stumble from one failed relationship to the other. Have we lost sight of what it is we’re looking for in Mr. Right? Who sold us the mirage of the perfect other? Did you buy into the dream?
We’ve seen and heard it all too many times before. The packaging looks good but before you know it, life on the inside is not feeling so sweet. From emotional ice-blocks to serial philanderers, the stories are woeful. They leave us with a gaping hole of hurt that festers if left unattended, transmuting into fibroids and other feminine dis-ease.
It would seem many have chosen to accept that there is no such thing as Mr. Right. Get real they say, man is man, they’re all the same! In allowing such possibilities to be reality we self-sabotage our own desires, opting, disillusioned for stagnant unfulfilling unions.
We’ve lost sight of what we’re looking for because we’re looking in the wrong place. Furthermore, wounded and defensive, we often place responsibility for our happiness in the hands of our unsuspecting and yes, sometimes ill-equipped mates.
So, is there hope for those who are not prepared to wallow in relationship mediocrity? Most definitely! Our creator fashioned us for a mate and so, in optimistic spirit, we relentlessly seek that perfect relationship. It is possible!
Seems to me, it’s high time we evolve our skills set, re-set our perfection perspectives and re-orient ourselves to an internal focus. It really is all about us!
We’ve spent centuries honing nurturing skills and cultivating Amazonian stamina for whatever life throws at us. The current world order calls for a similar bouquet of skills, but packaged differently.
In terms of our partners, we struggle to sift through conflicting images of who and what we are meant to be as modern women. So, when our relationships unravel, in desperation we misdirect our energy by focussing on the ‘coulda, woulda, shoulda’ drama. With emotion blurring our vision, it’s difficult to introspect but that is exactly what’s called for on a regular basis whether its sunshine or rain.
The answer to our search for perfection in others lies within us, not in our loved ones. Can you truly say you invest as much time and energy in giving to yourself as you do for others around you. Part of your evolved skills cachet includes the ability to create ‘love me’ time and space in your life without apology knowing that it is in loving you that you perfect the art of loving others.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Rising in love
Picture the scene: you and your chocolate dream meet, date and now enjoy significant other status. Then, there are children in the picture and soon, life has become a busy schedule punctuated by joy and ecstasy, heartache and pain and all the consolation bits in-between. Falling in love was fabulous and now this part?
Twelve months of happiness
Relationship psychologists report that the bliss of the honeymoon phase will last for a maximum of 12 months. So, according to them, like the addict’s first high, we spend the rest of our lives striving to recapture those times. Those days when nothing could dim the euphoric of love-rays which lifted us, soaring, to cloud 9.
Of course we experience moments where we skydance in happiness; the birth of a new born baby, the graduation, the joy of a birthday surprise, the warm fuzzy feeling of living and growing as a family.
Wouldn’t we be short-changing ourselves if we brought into the one year scenario? Surely, our creator would not limit our capacity give and receive such beautiful gifts to each other to only 12 months? That said, we don’t have to look too far to see couples weighed down with responsibilities and emotional baggage. To the extent, they hardly communicate and live as strangers who share the same bed every night. So, how do we recapture those heady days? Is it possible to experience rapture on a constant basis?
Rising in love
Blissful living is in closer reach than we may imagine. It starts with our love anchors – our love orientation. I’ve often heard my beloved matriarch say that couples should focus on rising as opposed to falling in love. She teaches that by simply replacing falling to rising in love, we zone into a rapturous paradigm of thinking, doing and being with our loved ones.
According to her diverse wisdom, we get carried away in the thrill of early romance and literally do as the blockbuster movies teach us – fall in love. While falling we lose our grip of reality and begin to make completely irrational decisions based on illusions of fiery lust driven connectivity.
Taking time to work out whether this partner is an asset that will grow your family investment portfolio is the discussion to be having. Checking whether his finely toned body will make for handsome children is, of course, also a consideration but before all of that know where your love ship is anchored.
Is your love-vision set on a path that can articulate what a true partnership looks and feels like? One that values giving and receiving as opposed to giving and taking? Are you ready to be what it is you want to see, to give and allow yourself to receive? In exploring these questions the answers will reveal joyful dreams, spread out as wings as we rise in love.
Twelve months of happiness
Relationship psychologists report that the bliss of the honeymoon phase will last for a maximum of 12 months. So, according to them, like the addict’s first high, we spend the rest of our lives striving to recapture those times. Those days when nothing could dim the euphoric of love-rays which lifted us, soaring, to cloud 9.
Of course we experience moments where we skydance in happiness; the birth of a new born baby, the graduation, the joy of a birthday surprise, the warm fuzzy feeling of living and growing as a family.
Wouldn’t we be short-changing ourselves if we brought into the one year scenario? Surely, our creator would not limit our capacity give and receive such beautiful gifts to each other to only 12 months? That said, we don’t have to look too far to see couples weighed down with responsibilities and emotional baggage. To the extent, they hardly communicate and live as strangers who share the same bed every night. So, how do we recapture those heady days? Is it possible to experience rapture on a constant basis?
Rising in love
Blissful living is in closer reach than we may imagine. It starts with our love anchors – our love orientation. I’ve often heard my beloved matriarch say that couples should focus on rising as opposed to falling in love. She teaches that by simply replacing falling to rising in love, we zone into a rapturous paradigm of thinking, doing and being with our loved ones.
According to her diverse wisdom, we get carried away in the thrill of early romance and literally do as the blockbuster movies teach us – fall in love. While falling we lose our grip of reality and begin to make completely irrational decisions based on illusions of fiery lust driven connectivity.
Taking time to work out whether this partner is an asset that will grow your family investment portfolio is the discussion to be having. Checking whether his finely toned body will make for handsome children is, of course, also a consideration but before all of that know where your love ship is anchored.
Is your love-vision set on a path that can articulate what a true partnership looks and feels like? One that values giving and receiving as opposed to giving and taking? Are you ready to be what it is you want to see, to give and allow yourself to receive? In exploring these questions the answers will reveal joyful dreams, spread out as wings as we rise in love.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Abundance: Female nature or nurture?
It’s official! The banks are cashing in us! It’s less about our pay checks and credit cards, and more about our nature. They love us because we’re women! It’s our innate ability to nurture, indelibly built into our nature that they want to tap into.
Bank research amongst rural women in the Far East and in Africa reveals that women who loan money almost always pay it back, on time. Not only do they honour their deals with the bank, they honour themselves and their communities by making the money go further. Often, women will naturally spread the spoils far beyond their nuclear family. The banks have picked up on this and so are targeting women as key drivers in their business.
Our nurturing qualities are renowned; after all, most women glide effortless through our various nurturing roles without thinking. We’ve probably been socialised that way and so we slot into pre-ordained spaces from corporate hot shot to wife, mother, sister, sista-friend – the list goes on.
But let’s be real. We love it too! Even though we sometimes stress over our (in)ability to cope, our heart swells at every nurturing opportunity we get. In fact, it feeds our soul! In the giving, we are also receiving.
So, if we are born with such fabulous rainmaking talent, how come most of us are still seeking abundance? Abundance is a slippery concept at the best of times, even more so when we’re faced with doom and gloom news about global economic meltdowns at every turn.
When you look back, how did our mamas raise families of eight or ten children on one or inconsistent income? It probably has much to do with creative money stretch strategies formed on pillars of love and faith that it would be enough.
Maybe it’s because we generally look outside ourselves for ways to create abundance as opposed to tuning into our female-essence as the key. As divinely gifted rainmakers, we possess incredible power to multiply whatever we touch. Seems though that the more we touch each other, the more abundance we’ll create. So, how far do we go in offering nurturing gifts in service of each other as women?
Now that’s power! Imagine what would be possible if we consciously cultivated abundance by caring, sharing and taking time to be with each other in nurturing spaces on a regular basis. Yes, we spend time together doing a range of every-day things that may nurture our immediate needs. But imagine what focussed nurture time could create?
It’s time for us to cash in on ourselves! The banks have seen the multiplier effect, have you? When last did you give thanks for your nurturing nature as one of the most potent forces of creation? Create nurture circles and invest in collective prosperity. It’s ours for the making.
Bank research amongst rural women in the Far East and in Africa reveals that women who loan money almost always pay it back, on time. Not only do they honour their deals with the bank, they honour themselves and their communities by making the money go further. Often, women will naturally spread the spoils far beyond their nuclear family. The banks have picked up on this and so are targeting women as key drivers in their business.
Our nurturing qualities are renowned; after all, most women glide effortless through our various nurturing roles without thinking. We’ve probably been socialised that way and so we slot into pre-ordained spaces from corporate hot shot to wife, mother, sister, sista-friend – the list goes on.
But let’s be real. We love it too! Even though we sometimes stress over our (in)ability to cope, our heart swells at every nurturing opportunity we get. In fact, it feeds our soul! In the giving, we are also receiving.
So, if we are born with such fabulous rainmaking talent, how come most of us are still seeking abundance? Abundance is a slippery concept at the best of times, even more so when we’re faced with doom and gloom news about global economic meltdowns at every turn.
When you look back, how did our mamas raise families of eight or ten children on one or inconsistent income? It probably has much to do with creative money stretch strategies formed on pillars of love and faith that it would be enough.
Maybe it’s because we generally look outside ourselves for ways to create abundance as opposed to tuning into our female-essence as the key. As divinely gifted rainmakers, we possess incredible power to multiply whatever we touch. Seems though that the more we touch each other, the more abundance we’ll create. So, how far do we go in offering nurturing gifts in service of each other as women?
Now that’s power! Imagine what would be possible if we consciously cultivated abundance by caring, sharing and taking time to be with each other in nurturing spaces on a regular basis. Yes, we spend time together doing a range of every-day things that may nurture our immediate needs. But imagine what focussed nurture time could create?
It’s time for us to cash in on ourselves! The banks have seen the multiplier effect, have you? When last did you give thanks for your nurturing nature as one of the most potent forces of creation? Create nurture circles and invest in collective prosperity. It’s ours for the making.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Ubuntu: Movement of da people
When I think of random acts of kindness, I recall beautiful childhood memories when unexpected rainfall brought visitors to the house. They were not always known to us, often arbitrary people, taking shelter on my grandparent's porch while the rain passed. No permission needed. No one blinked an eye; it was the most natural thing in the world.
Thankfully, there are still places where such experiences are commonplace. After all, it's woven into our sinew, the need to give and receive and to really care. It's a basic part of who we are, isn't it? Such exchanges speak to love and simply being human.
Reclaiming humanity
The world is waking up to speedily reclaim what was rapidly becoming undervalued - our sense of community. Have you noticed how many movements are gaining momentum these days? As we read about the global slow food movement, do we heed the call to trash the quick-mix pasta sauces and cornmeal porridge in a microwave and swiftly return to savour rich aromas usually reserved for the Sunday table?
Some currently riding the wave in South Africa, the self-descriptive slow thought movement, and the moral regeneration movement, speak volumes about a growing need to redefine how we engage with one another, be it at home, at work or in our leisure spaces.
At one of the many Heritage Day events celebrated in South Africa on the September 24, the third Ubuntu Award was presented to retired Cuban President Fidel Castro. Created by South Africa's National Heritage Council, the annual award honours people who consistently embody humanitarian values which anchor the African philosophy of Ubuntu. Former President Nelson Mandela and Former Zambian President Kenneth Kaunda have also been recognised as beacons of ubuntu.
Ubuntu is notoriously difficult to explain in English without losing the nuance of the philosophy. Ubuntu principles are deeply rooted in a lifestyle framework where every person is knitted together in a behaviour code which upholds community and culture over individuality.
Essence of ubuntu
The essence of ubuntu emphasises hospitality, tolerance, appreciation and respect for one another. The spirit of Ubuntu is what anchors genuine acts of giving without asking, 'what's in it for me?'
What's in it for you and me is the chance to rescue our collective living values and reframe them in our everyday lives. It's an opportunity to move away from lifestyle trends that are fast eroding our soul. In placing humanity at the centre, we embrace the opportunity to revive harmonious relations with one another. So, yes, come join the Ubuntu movement where we chose 'we' over me, knowing that without you, I cannot be.
Email: d.empressheart@gmail.com. Blog: http://femail heart.blogspot.com.
Thankfully, there are still places where such experiences are commonplace. After all, it's woven into our sinew, the need to give and receive and to really care. It's a basic part of who we are, isn't it? Such exchanges speak to love and simply being human.
Reclaiming humanity
The world is waking up to speedily reclaim what was rapidly becoming undervalued - our sense of community. Have you noticed how many movements are gaining momentum these days? As we read about the global slow food movement, do we heed the call to trash the quick-mix pasta sauces and cornmeal porridge in a microwave and swiftly return to savour rich aromas usually reserved for the Sunday table?
Some currently riding the wave in South Africa, the self-descriptive slow thought movement, and the moral regeneration movement, speak volumes about a growing need to redefine how we engage with one another, be it at home, at work or in our leisure spaces.
At one of the many Heritage Day events celebrated in South Africa on the September 24, the third Ubuntu Award was presented to retired Cuban President Fidel Castro. Created by South Africa's National Heritage Council, the annual award honours people who consistently embody humanitarian values which anchor the African philosophy of Ubuntu. Former President Nelson Mandela and Former Zambian President Kenneth Kaunda have also been recognised as beacons of ubuntu.
Ubuntu is notoriously difficult to explain in English without losing the nuance of the philosophy. Ubuntu principles are deeply rooted in a lifestyle framework where every person is knitted together in a behaviour code which upholds community and culture over individuality.
Essence of ubuntu
The essence of ubuntu emphasises hospitality, tolerance, appreciation and respect for one another. The spirit of Ubuntu is what anchors genuine acts of giving without asking, 'what's in it for me?'
What's in it for you and me is the chance to rescue our collective living values and reframe them in our everyday lives. It's an opportunity to move away from lifestyle trends that are fast eroding our soul. In placing humanity at the centre, we embrace the opportunity to revive harmonious relations with one another. So, yes, come join the Ubuntu movement where we chose 'we' over me, knowing that without you, I cannot be.
Email: d.empressheart@gmail.com. Blog: http://femail heart.blogspot.com.
Love: the body politic?
Who’s your best friend in this world and why do you love them? Is it because they’ve stood by you through some of life’s most exciting and challenging times? How do you express your appreciation for their friendship?
I did a quick impromptu poll around the room recently and everyone cited a person as their best friend. No one could begin to consider their body as their best friend. My body!?! I hear you cry in disbelief. Yes! Your body as your best friend - think about it.
Your body reflects everything you are feeling, going through and believe from deep within. When you live excessively, it shows. When you live a balanced, joy-filled life your body responds with super energy, great health and emits a magnetic glow that everyone notices.
You could say the body is a no-holds barred mirror that never lies. Can you truly say the same for any of your relationships with friends no matter how loyal? They love you yes, but they could never love you the way you could love yourself.
I know two people (living in two continents) who came to learn this simple truth through their amazing weight-loss journey. Both were vivacious, highly successful career women who had the world at their feet. Both decided they wanted to radically change their curvaceous body shapes. So, they lost over half their body weight and have, against the odds, kept it off. A success story on the surface but deep down, both devastatingly reveal they lost not only the weight but some of their ‘closest’ friends.
Their friends, who come packaged in various body shapes and sizes from and walks of life are united by a shared but muted desire. All of them, women, wanted to change something about their body. Only some however, were courageous enough to voice and reflect on their deep seated woes as the body shift they saw in their closest sista friends sparked uncomfortable and unexpected feelings of resentment. Others veiled the same issue as caring concern for health, not stopping to realise that they never showed such concern when their friends were double the weight and at increased risk of heart disorders, strokes, diabetes and the like.
As they saw their friends rapidly morphing into beautiful butterflies and becoming (in their eyes) even more successful, the friendships suffered strain. Through tear-filled eyes, both women caution that such responses were unforeseen and they have never felt so alone. Intense as it was, they came to the radical conclusion that nurturing their love for self and their bodies was the not only the catalyst that changed their friendships but ultimately, was also the only way to diffuse the pain.
So, to the question; statistics show that dieting is the highest ranked obsession for women over 25 years of age. We also know that over 95% of diets fail. Ever thought about the possibility of loving yourself slim as opposed to starting from a basis of rejection?
Think about how many times you’ve insulted, abused and hurt your soul by storing up heavy and negative emotions about your body. Would you do the same to your best friend?
I did a quick impromptu poll around the room recently and everyone cited a person as their best friend. No one could begin to consider their body as their best friend. My body!?! I hear you cry in disbelief. Yes! Your body as your best friend - think about it.
Your body reflects everything you are feeling, going through and believe from deep within. When you live excessively, it shows. When you live a balanced, joy-filled life your body responds with super energy, great health and emits a magnetic glow that everyone notices.
You could say the body is a no-holds barred mirror that never lies. Can you truly say the same for any of your relationships with friends no matter how loyal? They love you yes, but they could never love you the way you could love yourself.
I know two people (living in two continents) who came to learn this simple truth through their amazing weight-loss journey. Both were vivacious, highly successful career women who had the world at their feet. Both decided they wanted to radically change their curvaceous body shapes. So, they lost over half their body weight and have, against the odds, kept it off. A success story on the surface but deep down, both devastatingly reveal they lost not only the weight but some of their ‘closest’ friends.
Their friends, who come packaged in various body shapes and sizes from and walks of life are united by a shared but muted desire. All of them, women, wanted to change something about their body. Only some however, were courageous enough to voice and reflect on their deep seated woes as the body shift they saw in their closest sista friends sparked uncomfortable and unexpected feelings of resentment. Others veiled the same issue as caring concern for health, not stopping to realise that they never showed such concern when their friends were double the weight and at increased risk of heart disorders, strokes, diabetes and the like.
As they saw their friends rapidly morphing into beautiful butterflies and becoming (in their eyes) even more successful, the friendships suffered strain. Through tear-filled eyes, both women caution that such responses were unforeseen and they have never felt so alone. Intense as it was, they came to the radical conclusion that nurturing their love for self and their bodies was the not only the catalyst that changed their friendships but ultimately, was also the only way to diffuse the pain.
So, to the question; statistics show that dieting is the highest ranked obsession for women over 25 years of age. We also know that over 95% of diets fail. Ever thought about the possibility of loving yourself slim as opposed to starting from a basis of rejection?
Think about how many times you’ve insulted, abused and hurt your soul by storing up heavy and negative emotions about your body. Would you do the same to your best friend?
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